


Holy Ground

by jadedace



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Character Death, Kidnapping, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 03:39:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18241622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadedace/pseuds/jadedace
Summary: Kylo Ren and Poe used to be something, once upon a time. Kylo had all but forgotten, until Supreme Leader Snoke tells him he must sever all ties with his past. Now Kylo is after Poe, and Poe's only hope is to remind Kylo of what they used to be. Most characters are only mentioned a handful of times, listed in order of their importance to the story.Not TLJ compliant. We are going to pretend that atrocity of a movie doesn't exist for as long as humanly possible.





	1. Prologue

The calling room is cold. It is always cold, in deep space. The three feet of insulation each Star Destroyer is outfitted with does little to keep the heat in, it seems. Kylo Ren stands before the holoplatform in the calling room, seemingly immune to the chill. The calling rom is empty but for him—a blessing. He feels more relaxed without General Hux breathing down his neck. No one is there to aggravate him, to distract him from the reason he has been called into the room. 

The air above the holoplatform shimmers, and in seconds the massive image of Supreme Leader Snoke fills the space. His twisted visage looks down on Kylo with a critical eye. 

"Kylo Ren," he begins. 

Kylo inclines his head. "Yes, Supreme Leader," he answers obediently. 

Snoke's hologram leans back in his chair. "You know why I've called you here, I presume."

"I have an idea," Kylo answers truthfully. After Starkiller's destruction, he'd been left injured and near helpless by a lowly scavenger girl. But, despite the base's destruction, Kylo had accomplished one thing. He had killed his father. There now remained only one immediate tie to his past, and he was sure he had been summoned in order to be given his final task: killing his mother. 

Kylo was prepared for this. He had waited all his life for a chance at the general, and now would be the opportunity to prove himself to the Supreme Leader once and for all. He was loyal, he was worthy of the position he held within the First Order. His defeat at Starkiller was merely a fluke. 

Snoke drums his fingers on the armrests of his chair. "You think you are here to kill General Organa."

Kylo looks up, slightly confused. The way Snoke phrases the sentence almost makes it sound like Leia _isn't_ his target...

"I feel your hatred. I know the contempt you feel towards your old family. I know the lengths you will go to destroy them."

"Then say the word and it will be so," Kylo says. "I can crush them. I will not fail like I did on Starkiller."

"But there is someone else. Someone from your past that holds you back."

Kylo can't hide his shock. "Everyone from my past is dead to me."

"I do not feel that," Snoke says. He leans forward. "There is one you had the chance to kill that you did not. Instead, you let him escape. _He_ stands in your way. Finish him, and then you may move on to your destiny."

Kylo clenches his hands into fists. _Who did he leave alive?_ "Forgive me, Supreme Leader, but I do not know of whom you speak."

Snoke studies Kylo for a long time. Silence stretches between them, so long that Kylo begins to shift uneasily before his leader's stare. At last, the ravaged being before him answers. "The pilot you captured on Jakku."

Kylo is momentarily stunned. "Commander Dameron? He means nothing to me."

"I sense that is not true."

Now Kylo is angry. He has very little connection to Dameron--they were playmates, once. A long time ago. The pilot hadn't even recognized Kylo on Jakku. Their connection was meaningless. "We were friends years before, but whatever connection we had is gone. Long gone."

"Then it should be no problem to kill him," Snoke reasons. 

Kylo flounders. "My talents could be better spent—"

"Doing what? Dameron is the Resistance's best pilot, their best infiltrator, and he is a threat to the First Order. Your protestations only make me further believe that you still harbor...feelings."

Kylo is breathing hard, the edges of his vision turning red. He does not respond. 

"Your mission now is to kill the pilot. You had a chance once before and you did not take it. You will not fail now."

So this is how it is going to be. Kylo grits his teeth and nods. "Yes, Supreme Leader. The pilot will be dead within the week."

————

Kylo storms back to his room after signing off with Snoke. One hand rests on his lightsaber; he is prepared to slaughter any stormtrooper who gets in his way now. But it is ship's night, and he meets no one on the way back to his quarters. When he steps into the bare room, he surveys his possessions. There is the burnt mask of his grandfather, sitting on ash. There is a blanket resting messily on his sleep cot. And there is a trunk, small and metal, that contains everything that he brought with him from the Jedi Academy. It is not much, mostly the lightsabers of his fallen classmates. Trophies. But Kylo remembers something now, something small, that he carried with him after the destruction of the Academy. 

He kneels down before the trunk and lifts the lid, pushing the dozens of ownerless lightsabers aside, until he sees something barely more than a centimeter in diameter. It is a ring, crudely made from the nut of a speeder. The inside has been smoothed of its grooves, and the outside is lopsided, as if someone had done an incomplete job of filing down the nut's hard corners. Kylo Ren picks it up, and a memory comes to him. 

_"Here," a young Poe says, smiling as he offers up the ring. "My dad helped me make it. It's so you'll remember me when you leave to become a Jedi."_

_Young Kylo takes the ring, rolling it between his fingers. He is barely seven, three years younger than Poe, but they are the closest of friends. "Thanks. I won't forget you." He throws his arms around the older boy, and Poe hugs him back._

The memory fades and Kylo is angry all over again. Childhood whims meant _nothing_! Poe means _nothing_ to him, and yet here is a delay in achieving his true fate, all over some stupid ring. Kylo hurls the ring back into the trunk and slams the lid shut. 

But there is a part of him that awakened at the memory, a part that was awakened on the _Finalizer_ after Poe's capture. A small voice, so small as to be insignificant. _You miss him_. 

_I do not,_ Kylo argues with himself. 

The voice is persistent. _You could have killed him after you got the information about the map. You left him alive. Why?_

_Because we needed his information about the Resistance!_

_You were going after Luke Skywalker. Destroying the Jedi should have mattered more. The pilot was expendable. And yet..._

Kylo pinches the bridge of his nose. He doesn't want to admit that the voice is right, that Snoke is right. He wants to move on. But no, he realizes. This is a link he must sever. Poe Dameron must die. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just need to get some things out of the way before this story goes any further. I had this idea way way way back, right after TFA came out. I just never had the inspiration to write it out. I also never had the motivation to research if it was actually possible; I know Poe and Kylo Ren's ages, and that's it. But I write mostly for me, so I'm posting this anyway, regardless of if it actually aligns with pre-TLJ canon or not. If that level of not caring isn't your thing, then feel free to move along. I only ask that you don't post any comments I'll be forced to delete.

The alarm goes off far too early. Poe shifts in his bed, pulling his pillow over his ears. 

"Time to wake up," a voice croons above him. Poe mumbles something incoherent and slams his hand down on the snooze button. 

"Really Poe? It's only two hours early," the voice complains. 

"Five more minutes," Poe mutters sleepily. The voice is not about to take no for an answer. Poe feels pressure on his back, and two seconds later he is being pushed off the bed, dragging the sheet with him. Poe groans from the floor and looks up to see Finn smiling down at him, chin resting on his hand. 

"We are not rescheduling again."

Poe huffs a laugh and reluctantly gets to his feet. "Alright, alright," he relents. "You don't have to get physical."

"Physical, hmm?" Finn swings his legs over the bed and sidles up to Poe, wrapping his arms around the other's waist. Their faces are centimeters apart. "I could show you physical." He kisses Poe lightly on the lips. 

"Yes, I like where this is going," Poe says against Finn's mouth. "Let's do this instead."

"Nope." Finn pulls back and steps over the mess of sheets on the floor. He reaches for his shirt, lying draped over the chair in the corner, and pulls it over his head. "We've put this off for too long. Nothing is going stand in the way of me flying today."

Poe can't help but grin. Once Finn had set his mind on flying, he'd been unstoppable in his quest. He'd clocked more hours on the sim than any training pilot currently with the Resistance. They'd scheduled a check ride three times already, and each time something had come up that forced them to reschedule. Poe was being deployed, Finn was being deployed, the check ride ship was down for maintenance. Poe understands Finn's desire to be cleared as a pilot; it has been a long time coming. 

They dress and began the moderate trek through the new Resistance base for the hangar. Poe's hand finds its way into Finn's, who gives him a sideways smile. In the past three months the Resistance had moved to a brand new base on the tropical world of H'laar, the tide of the war had turned in their favor, and yet somehow their romance was still the biggest change in Poe's life. He'd only ever had one real relationship before this, and that was years ago. Fighting a war didn't leave much time for personal things. 

Truthfully, Poe couldn't pinpoint when exactly their relationship had started. Sometime between Finn's release from the infirmary and Poe's next deployment, they'd fallen together. It had happened so fast, Poe almost got whiplash. Not that he was complaining. There was nothing like falling asleep next to someone, coming home to someone, _loving_ someone. And Poe does love Finn. He hasn't said anything yet — still too soon, he thinks—but the feeling is there. And Poe is quite sure it is mutual. 

They arrive at the check ship in due time. It is sitting on the outside tarmac but has not been prepped. That is Finn's job. The other wastes no time in setting about doing the preflight checklist. He pulls his hand from Poe's to run it across the hull of the ship. The ship itself is an old modified Y wing. The weapons have been deactivated, the sublight speed greatly decreased, and the gunner station has been replaced with a secondary navigation system, but it is still a step up from the sims. It is a big day for Finn. 

Poe leans against the hull to watch his boyfriend fly through the checklist. The sun is just peaking over the distant mountains when Finn steps back and looks at Poe. 

"I'm ready," he says. There is excitement in his voice. 

Poe pushes away from the fuselage and claps Finn on the back. "Alright. Let's take this bird up."

Poe crawls into the former gunner's seat while Finn gracefully slips into the pilot's seat. They don their helmets and settle in. Poe has to resist the urge to help Finn through the start up process. Finn has done this enough times on the sims that he doesn't need coaching. Poe wants to coach him all the same. In his headset, he can hear Finn communicating with the towers on the base's perimeter. He knows the script. 

"H'laar tower two, Trainer one three five ready for takeoff IFR, landing pad two-niner," Finn says. 

The radio crackles in Poe's helmet. "Trainer one three five, winds two eight zero at eleven, cleared for takeoff."

Finn fires up the engines, pulls back on the steering yoke, and the ship ascends slowly off the tarmac. Then, when they are clear of the base, he hits the throttle. They speed away from the landing pad, but not at top speed. Finn is taking it easy. Poe glances down at his own dashboard. It is connected to the main system, and if Poe were to do anything it would automatically override anything Finn could do on his end. This was a safety net, a precaution, in case something were to go horribly wrong during their flight. Poe knows Finn is more than capable. The safety net is not necessary. 

"H'laar departure, Trainer one three five, one thousand climbing ten thousand," Finn chimes again. 

More static over the radio. "Trainer one three five, climb and maintain ten thousand."

It takes them no time at all to reach their cruising altitude. "Up to ten thousand, Trainer one three five." Contact with the tower cuts out for the time being.

Poe stretches in his seat. The gunner position is cramped compared to the cockpit of his X wing. "So far, so good," he says. 

"Don't sound so surprised," Finn teases. He angles the Y wing into a turn, giving them an unhindered view of the sparkling ocean a few miles out. Finn whistles. "It somehow looks even prettier now that I'm the one flying."

Poe has to laugh. "That'll happen. Space seems a lot bigger, too."

"Can't wait to see it," Finn muses. 

"You'll get there." Poe leans forward. "Want to try something fun?"

Finn is immediately suspicious. "My flying too boring for you?"

"You're doing great. But you'll have to get the hang of aerial maneuvers if you want to be in the fleet."

"Who said I wanted to be in the fleet?"

"Come on, Finn," Poe chides playfully. "I'm not teaching you for nothing. You'll be the second best pilot in the Resistance."

Finn silently debates this. "What sort of 'fun' did you have in mind?"

"Nothing much. Inside loops, post stalls...anything that defies gravity."

"And you really think I'm ready for all that," Finn says. It's not a question. 

Poe shrugs, even though Finn can't see him. "I'm here to pull us out of anything you might get us into. It's risk-free."

Poe sees Finn tighten his grip on the steering yoke. "Fine. Talk me through it."

Poe explains in as much detail as he can how to flip the ship in a tight somersault. Finn is nodding along, keeping the ship at a steady speed as Poe talks. 

"Got it?" Poe asks as he finishes. 

He can hear the grin in Finn's voice. "Got it."

Poe grabs his own steering yoke, ready to pull the ship out of the maneuver if anything goes wrong. At the same time Finn sends the Y wing into a steep climb. The G forces push them back in their seats, and suddenly they're vertical. The ship tilts backwards, falls, and Finn guns the throttle. The engines pick back up, accelerating them out of the somersault. Finn whoops and Poe has to admit, he's impressed. 

"What did those sims teach you?" he asks. 

"Enough, apparently," Finn says. They spend another half hour gliding through the sky, Finn enjoying the flight and Poe enjoying the happiness he hears in his boyfriend's voice. There is no sweeter sound, he thinks. But their shifts are fast approaching, and far too soon Finn lands them safely back on the tarmac. 

He pops out of the Y wing, exhilarated. 

"So," Finn asks, leaning against the ladder as Poe descends. "Did I pass?"

"With flying colors," Poe says, skipping the last few rungs and hopping to the ground. "Now you just need to clock in the actual flight hours. We'll make you a member of the fleet yet."

They have fifteen minutes before the start of their shifts, just enough time to grab breakfast. The two of them make for the mess hall, but are stopped when a private runs up to Poe. 

"Commander Dameron," he says. "The general would like to see you."

Poe and Finn exchange a glance. "What's this about?"

"She wouldn't say. But I think you'd better hurry."

Finn leans in and kisses Poe's cheek. "Can't keep the general waiting," he says. "I'll see you at lunch."

"Sounds good," Poe says, and follows the private deeper into the base. The smell of fresh duracrete permeates the air; much of the base is still very much under construction. They arrive at an unfinished room, filled with holoscreens and flashing tape advertising wet paint. Here Leia stands, leaning over a holotable. She glances up as Poe enters and offers him a small smile. 

"Commander," she greets him. 

Poe inclines his head. "General," he returns. "What's this about?"

"We have heard rumors that the First Order is beginning construction of a new super weapon. It seems they don't know how to rule the galaxy without the ability to destroy a planet."

Poe frowns. "What do you want from me?"

"To confirm if these rumors are true. Starkiller was a blow to the First Order, but it was also a blow to us. We lost a lot of good men and women. We need to know if we're walking into a trap or not before we launch an offensive, and you're the best infiltrator we have."

Poe rubs his chin and glances down at the holotable. It displays a binary system that appears to be halfway across the galaxy. 

"Piece of cake," he finally says. 

Leia stands and clasps her hands behind her back. "We'd like you to leave immediately. We've arranged for you to take an unmarked X wing. We'll be expecting you back in week or so."

"I can do that," Poe says, confident. After his return from Jakku, there's very little that could be thrown at him that he won't be able to handle. 

"Good. Gather what you need and we'll see you on the tarmac in an hour."

She dismisses Poe, and he leaves in a hurry. There's not much he'll need besides his droid and a long farewell from Finn. He finds the latter in the mess hall, sitting with Jess and Snap. He slides into the seat across from Finn, who looks up and gives him an odd look. 

"That wasn't much of a meeting," Jess says. Finn nods.

"There wasn't much to say. It's a pretty simple mission," Poe answers

Finn's shoulders slump ever so slightly. "You're being deployed again."

Poe throws Finn a grin. "Yeah, but it'll be in and out. I'll be back in a week. You can last without me for that long, yeah?" 

Snap interjects, leaning his head dramatically on Poe's shoulder. "How will we ever survive without you?"

Poe shrugs his friend off. "One week. I promise."

Finn takes a spoonful of stew. "I'm going to hold you to that."

"Do." Poe leans across the table and kisses Finn, while Snap makes kissing noises behind them. Poe kicks him under the table. 

"One week," he says again as he swings his leg over the bench and heads for the exit. _One week_. He hates to leave Finn for any amount of time, but this is war. You hardly have time for relationships in a war. They'll just have to cope. And it was only a simple recon mission. How could it possibly go wrong?


	3. Chapter 3

The planet Poe is directed to is something unnamed, bearing only a long string of letters and numbers as its designation. It lies in an uninhabited system, discovered by First Order scouts just over a decade ago, if the rumors are to be believed. It is a temperate world, much like D'Qar was, with forests and plains and rivers and mountains. 

Poe's X wing drops out of hyperspace in orbit around it, using one of the planet's many moons as cover should there be any First Order ships already there. Strangely enough, there seem to be none. 

BB-8 beeps questioningly from his spot behind the cockpit. Poe nods. 

"Either this weapon is in the very, very early stages of construction, or there's nothing here," Poe answers. An uneasy feeling worms its way into his stomach, but he pushes it down. He has a mission to complete. 

He scans the planet, a task that takes the better part of the galactic day. Small X wing scanners are nothing compared to the large-scale scanners on frigates. He has almost nodded off in his ship when BB-8 beeps again.

"You found something?" Poe asks, blinking the sleep from his eyes, and taps his computer. There, just south of the planet's equator, is an energy signature. It's small, and Poe has a hard time believing it could be the beginnings of a new super weapon, but he has been tasked with investigating. So investigate he will. 

With a last scan of the space above the planet, one more check to ensure that he is truly alone, he maneuvers the ship out from behind the moon and makes a beeline for the energy signature. It takes no more than ten minutes to descend through the light cloud cover to find that the signature is coming from a wide savannah that stretches across half the continent. Groups of trees huddle together against the harsh winds that gust over the plain. In the distance Poe can see a deep ravine, the remnants of a long-dry river, cutting the savannah in half. He sets his X wing down beneath the cover of one copse of trees. 

"Stay with the ship," he instructs BB-8 as he climbs out of the cockpit. The little droid beeps affirmative and settles in. Poe pulls out his macrobinoculars and surveys the plain. They pick up on the energy signature a kilometer out. There is little in the way of cover outside of the small thickets springing up through the grass every so often. He will have to take this slow. Poe hunches his back and creeps forward, aiming for the next line of trees. A sharp gust of wind tugs at his jacket and he shivers. The sky is dark with clouds, and the planet threatens rain. Poe wants to be quick. 

He crosses the kilometer hopping from copse to copse, walking hunched below the tall grasses between them. In another fifteen minutes he can now make out a sleek black ship, sitting heavily on its landing struts, beside a large grove of trees. Poe raises his macrobinoculars and determines that, yes, this is a First Order ship. But it is small, barely big enough for two people. It looks more like a small commuter ship than a fighter, or the beginnings of some weapon. Poe frowns. Leia's words echo in his mind: _We don't know if this is a trap._

Not a trap for a large fleet vessel, but a trap for one. Over the wind, Poe thinks he hears a boot shift, and it spooks him. He needs to leave. He turns just as a figure emerges from the large thicket, maskless and spinning a red crossed lightsaber in his hand. Poe knows this figure. His blood turns to ice. _Kylo Ren._

Without another look back he is running, arms pumping at his sides, only thinking _get away get away get away_. He feels something slow him, a feeling much like that he felt on Jakku. Someone is grabbing him with an unseen Force, trying to immobilize him before he can get too far. But there is distance between Kylo and Poe still, and Poe wrenches free of the invisible grasp. He charges forward, eyes raking over the terrain, looking for something-- _anything_ \--to give him an advantage. He glances over his shoulder and sees Kylo is hot on his tail. His face, which Poe has not seen until now, is contorted with rage. And there is something...familiar...about it. But Poe is quite sure the only time he's ever met Kylo is on Jakku.

He continues to flee. Kylo's run is lopsided, as though he is limping from an old injury. Poe has one thing going for him, it seems.

He thinks he might be able to outrun Kylo. There's the ravine ahead that Kylo likely won't be able to scale. If Poe can just get far enough _ahead--_

Poe doesn't have a chance to finish the thought. His foot catches in a hole at the edge of the ravine, twisting painfully, and he goes down heavily. The loose soil at the ravine's lip gives out and he goes tumbling down the slope. He throws his hands up, but it does little good. His head strikes a rock and he comes to a rolling stop in the base of the ravine, dazed. His vision swims and he feels like he might throw up. 

_Get up_ , he tells himself, and struggles to his feet. But his balance is off and his ankle is on fire, and he collapses. A glance up the ravine reveals Kylo taking a flying leap from the edge and landing, unharmed, beside Poe. Poe scrambles backwards, reaching for his blaster. Kylo rips it away with the Force. He says nothing as he bears down on Poe, eyes alight with hatred. He stands over Poe, lightsaber pulled back for the killing blow. 

It is at that moment, dazed and confused, that Poe finally pieces together why Kylo's face looks so familiar. He remembers this face, younger perhaps, but it is the same face, he is sure of it. His breath hitches. 

"Ben?"

Kylo freezes. Something in his eyes flickers. His lightsaber lowers, just slightly. "You remember me?"

Poe sees his opportunity. They have a history. Perhaps Poe could appeal to the side of him that remembers what they once were. He isn't going to die here today. He isn't leaving Finn today. "You look a lot different without that mask. They told me you were dead."

Kylo fully lowers his lightsaber, unsure. "Not dead," he grunts. His brows are pulled together. He looks...confused.

"I see that," Poe says. Kylo seems to recover and readjusts his grip on his lightsaber. The memories alone aren't enough, Poe realizes. He has to give more. "I am so glad. I missed you."

Now Kylo's face twists, and Poe thinks he pushed him too far, but instead of spearing his lightsaber through Poe, Kylo reaches out a hand much like he did on the _Finalizer._ Poe knows what's coming next, but is still unprepared when the other knocks him out with the Force. 

**————**

The pilot goes still on the ground and Kylo Ren stands over him, breathing hard. 

_Kill him_ , Kylo thinks, but his hand won't listen. His lightsaber remains at his side, and he deactivates it. Hangs it from his belt. Stares at Poe. 

Poe had _remembered_ him. Of course he hadn't recognized Kylo on Jakku. Kylo's mask obscured his face and warped his voice. Now that Kylo was bare faced, he was easy to identify. 

This shouldn't be a big deal. This shouldn't stop Kylo from completing his mission. Sentiment was a weakness; best to crush it now, before it could overwhelm him. Kylo grabs his lightsaber and reactivates it. He readjusts his grip on the hilt, and his eyes never leave Poe's body. 

_Just get it over with. It's not hard. It shouldn't be hard._ But it is. Because, as much as Kylo doesn't want to admit it, as much as he tries to _run_ from it, he still has feelings for Poe. Frustration builds in him. With a yell, Kylo brings his lightsaber down, driving it into the ground beside Poe's head. The pilot remains unharmed. 

Kylo yanks his lightsaber out of the ground and runs a hand through his hair. He paces back and forth in front of Poe, trying to psyche himself up. It doesn't work. He had fabricated the reports of a new super weapon, knowing full well they would send Poe to investigate. Kylo had set this whole plan up and it had proceeded exactly as planned...except for this last part. The important part. The killing Poe Dameron part. 

He is in trouble. He can't return to Snoke a failure. Not again. But he also can't kill Poe. He pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales sharply. What if he didn't have to kill Poe? What if he found a place to hide him, somewhere Snoke would never sense him? Kylo could go back to the Supreme Leader and _say_ he killed Poe, while Poe continued to live far, far away from his precious Resistance. Kylo would know exactly where he was so that, when he finally worked up enough muster to finish the job, he'd be able to do so without another convoluted plan. 

Yes. Yes, this could work. Kylo deactivates his lightsaber and returns it to his belt. This is how he would proceed. 


	4. Chapter 4

Poe is surprised when he wakes up. He figured Kylo would kill him after knocking him unconscious, after Poe could no longer spark the memories Kylo was clearly wrestling with. He is even more surprised to find that he is not in a First Order jail cell. Those cells are stark, made of dark metal and harsh fluorescent lights. They are a metal cot and nothing more. 

Here, Poe is at least somewhat comfortable. He rolls over, head throbbing, and feels he is lying on a mattress. It is old, musty-smelling and thin, and it is not First Order issue. He forces his eyes open and cringes against the light. Not fluorescent light, either; sunlight. His head is pounding and his vision swims, but he forces himself to focus on the room around him. 

It is made of a smooth, pale metal, but that metal is streaked with rust stains. They fall from the ceiling, pock the walls, coat the seam where the floor meets the wall. Poe looks up and sees five windows, little more than horizontal slits in the walls, letting in a late afternoon sunlight. A fountain of some sort rests against the far wall, and a plate of what looks like bread is sitting nearby. But, other than the mattress Poe is lying on, the room is empty. He sits up, ignoring his protesting head, and frowns. This is _definitely_ not what he expected. 

His stomach growls angrily, and Poe glances to the bread sitting about a meter from him. He considers reaching for it, but wonders if it is poisoned. It seems odd that Kylo would spare him only to kill him by such an archaic method, but Poe isn't sure what to think about his current situation. 

A rusty creak causes him to jump, and he turns to see Kylo Ren stepping through a door in the wall opposite the fountain. He is dressed in all black, from his neck to his boots, as Poe remembers. But his face is undoubtedly the face of the boy Poe had known in his childhood. Older, scarred, but the somehow the same. 

They stare at each other for a few heartbeats. Poe feels sweat begin to bead at his hairline. He shows no fear, but knows that doesn't matter. Kylo can sense what he's feeling. 

"You can eat that," Kylo finally speaks, motioning to the bread. 

Poe has no idea how to respond. The Resistance never prepared him for this. He feels like a mouse cornered by a loth cat. Is Kylo toying with him? The other stares at him expectantly, and Poe slowly reaches for the food. His movements are tracked by Kylo's narrowed, unblinking eyes. It's unnerving. Poe brings the bread to his mouth and takes a bite, his own eyes never leaving Kylo's face. 

The bread is dry, tasteless, and in his concussed state Poe wonders just how well he'll be able to hold it down. But he swallows all the same. 

"Thank you, Ben," he says costively. Kylo walks over to the mattress and sits down, cross-legged, before Poe. There is no anger, no rage, in his actions, none of the emotion that Poe had seen back on the unnamed planet. He is guarded. As unsure of Poe as Poe is of him. 

"I should kill you," he says. 

Poe freezes, wondering if he'd misread Kylo. If this was it. "I'd really rather you didn't."

Kylo glares. "You're still alive, aren't you?"

Poe looks down, studying his hands. He wonders just how far he can push the other. "Why?" he asks. "You were all ready to kill me. What stopped you?"

"You remembered me."

Poe doesn't have to lie when he responds. "Of course I remembered you! Your death crushed me as a kid. And here you are, alive." Now he lies, knowing just how thin the ice he treads is. If Kylo can read minds, this will be far from easy. But he has to try. He has to get _home._ "I missed you."

He expects Kylo to react, to knock him out again, to do _something_ , but the other man just sits there. Watching him. At last, he reaches into his pocket and produces something Poe hasn't seen in years. The crudely made ring glitters in the fading sunlight. 

"You kept it!" Poe says. He doesn't have to feign shock. It seems so out of character, for Kylo to keep something so sentimental. 

"Yeah."

Poe takes another bite of bread. "So what now?"

"You stay here."

"For how long?"

Kylo narrows his eyes. "Until I decide to kill you."

Poe chews slowly. He's put off death so far, he just has to give Kylo a reason to keep him alive. He can do that, yeah? He can lie. He can fool a Force user. He can get back to Finn. 

Kylo stands and sweeps out of the room, his cloak billowing behind him. He slams the door shut and Poe hears the soft click of a lock sliding into place. And he is alone.

**\--------**

Kylo stops outside of Poe's makeshift cell and snarls to himself. His hands clench into fists at his sides. 

He is weak. There is no way around it, no way to disguise what he feels. He kept the ring for a reason, he kept Poe alive for a _reason_ , and it turns out Poe missed him just as much. He is in trouble. 

He shouldn't _be_ this weak, though. It should be easy. He had felt nothing when killing his father, the man who _raised_ him, who tucked him in at night, who read him bed time stories and lit up with pride when Kylo went away to become a Jedi. Did one stupid ring trump all that? 

Kylo storms away towards the landing platform. The prison he chose for Poe is out of the way, abandoned, and completely off of anyone's radar. It is a floating city on Bespin, once a prospering Tibanna mining facility, now a decrepit collection of metal plates barely kept aloft by solar-powered antigrav generators. It was never as grand as Cloud City, but it served the same purpose. Bespin was filled with these floating citadels. It was not hard to locate one that had been forgotten. 

This citadel in particular, bearing a name that Kylo never bothered to learn, is rather small. It has only a few landing platforms, just large enough to house the tanker ships that once transported the Tibanna gas off planet. They are all long gone now. Even if Poe were to escape his cell, Kylo made sure that there was nothing flyable anywhere within the city. There is no electricity running to the habitation decks, and the water left within the city's ancient pipes is far from potable. The city is a wasteland. Without a ship to ferry in supplies, a human couldn't last more than a week before succumbing to dehydration. Kylo is that ferry, and now he takes his leave. 

He might not be able to kill Poe Dameron directly, but there are other ways a human could expire. If Kylo were to simply leave, return to Snoke, tell his leader of Poe's demise, and forget about the citadel, Poe would die and Kylo would no longer be torn. He wouldn't pull the trigger, but the end result would be the same. This he can do. 

Kylo reaches the landing platform where his commuter shuttle is waiting. He throws his shoulders back, assured in his chosen course of action. He will be able to continue on to fulfill his destiny. The pilot will not stand in his way.


	5. Chapter 5

Finn is just getting off duty when he hears the news. He has spent his entire day training new recruits in sharpshooting. He isn't the best on the base (not yet, anyway), but he had impressed the general enough to earn the rank of lieutenant in just the few months he'd been with the Resistance. The First Order trained good soldiers, and Leia let him know on a regular basis she was glad Finn had defected. So he earned more responsibilities than the average recruit. 

He dismisses his students from the firing range and stretches, yawning as he does so. The sun is setting on the far horizon; day three without Poe. Only four more to go. He misses his boyfriend, of _course_ he misses his boyfriend, but he also wants to fly again. And sure, he passed his check ride, meaning he could _technically_ fly on his own, but he only has about an hour of flight time in a real ship. He'd prefer there be someone there to take the controls should something happen. Perhaps, he thinks, Jess or Snap might be willing to take him up? There is still enough daylight left that a flight shouldn't be too much of an issue. 

He sets off to find one of them. Turns out, Snap is looking for him. His face is shrouded in the shadow of the hangar but he holds up a hand and stops Finn. 

"Finn, there you are," he says, and all thoughts of flying go out the window at his tone. It is heavy, weighed down. Sad. Finn steps out of the sunlight into the shade and sees Snap's face, and his heart starts to pound. There is pity and grief written all over it. Finn knows instantly that something is wrong. 

"What?" he asks, and his voice is hedged. Guarded. Part of him doesn't want to hear what Snap has to say, because he thinks he knows exactly what that is. _It has to do with Poe._

"There's been a development in Poe's mission," Snap says. "He hasn't checked in or responded to our hails in over eighteen hours."

"That's unusual," Finn says blankly, but inside he is panicking. There could be any number of reasons why Poe didn't answer, not all of them bad. His mind, however, jumps to the worst case scenario. Poe is captured, Poe is _dead_...

"Poe's gotten out of worse. I'm sure he's fine," Snap tries to reassure Finn. It does little to soothe him. 

"We're going out to find him, right?"

Snap nods. "The general is putting together a team. I'm sure you'll be on it."

Finn straightens. "And when do we leave?"

"She's hoping early tomorrow morning. You should get some rest," Snap suggests, and Finn actually laughs. It's bitter. He knows he will get no sleep tonight, but he retires to his quarters all the same. 

And he is right. He spends the first few hours tossing and turning, before ultimately giving up. He rolls out of bed, throws on his jacket—Poe's jacket—and heads for the hangar. Black One sits on the tarmac, silent and still. Finn grabs a crate and drags it under the nose of the X wing. He sits heavily on it, looking down at his hands. 

He'd always known that Poe going missing could happen. They were fighting a war, after all. They were soldiers. Soldiers went missing. Soldiers died. It was a reality neither of them had dwelled on, and and it was one they had so far been able to ignore despite their recent deployments. But reality catches up with you one way or another, and it had certainly caught up with them. 

He doesn't want to think these things, but his mind is running wild with all that could have gone wrong. Poe had made it sound like such an in-and-out mission. Simple recon, nothing more. Had the First Order found him? Had someone _else_ found him? Pirates were known to frequent the sector where Poe had been sent. Had it been a trap?

Finn is too busy thinking all these things that he doesn't hear the footsteps coming up behind him. Then there is a hand on his shoulder, and Finn looks up into Jess's face. 

"What are you doing out here?"

Finn tilts his head back, just able to make out the stars around Black One's nose. "The bed feels empty without him. Emptier knowing something happened to him."

Jess nods and crosses her arms tightly, even though the night is balmy. "Do you want company?"

Finn doesn't, not really, but he also finds he doesn't want to be alone. He scoots over on the crate by way of an answer, and Jess joins him.

"Poe's never been one to underestimate the enemy," she says. "He always seems to know just what he's up against."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Finn wonders. Talking is good. Maybe talking will help him calm down. 

"Because if Poe thinks it's an easy in and out mission, it is," she says. "I'm sure he just lost communication. An ion storm, a relay that was shaken loose that he doesn't know about."

Finn shakes his head. "I can't shake the feeling that something is really, really wrong."

"Well of course you can't. You're sleeping with him. You're always going to think the worst. That's why I'm here, to keep you grounded." Jess nudges Finn with her shoulder, and he manages a smile. It's small, and fleeting, but the situation doesn't seem quite so hopeless as it did before. 

"Are you part of the team leaving tomorrow?" Finn asks. 

Jess nods. "Me, Karé, and a handful of infantry. We don't know what we're up against—probably nothing—but it's good to be prepared."

"Yeah," Finn says, nodding distractedly, hoping that Snap is right and he'll be chosen as one of the team. He can't imagine sitting idly on base while Poe could possibly be in danger. 

Jess reads his mind. "I'm sure General Organa will order you along. There's nothing keeping you on base at the moment. And if that's the case, you'd better at least try to get some shut eye. You'll need your energy for tomorrow."

Finn looks down, knowing she's right. Sitting here moping isn't helping anyone. His best bet now is to return to his room, attempt to find sleep, and pray that he'll be chosen in the morning. He stands and pulls his jacket closer about him. 

"Thanks, Jess," he says. 

She smiles sympathetically at him. "Any time, Finn."

————

Poe is alone. He waits for Kylo Ren to return, but the other man never does. Poe is right that he can't keep any food down; not long after Kylo's departure, he rushes to the fountain and loses what little lunch he ate. He presses a button on the side of the fountain and washes the basin with water so rusty it could almost pass as blood. Poe wrinkles his nose. His thirst is starting to nag at the back of his throat, but he isn't desperate enough to try drinking _that_. 

He returns to his mattress, swaying on his feet. His head is swimming again. The rock he hit certainly did a number on him. Before too long he is asleep, and when he next wakes it is dark, pitch black except for the watery moonlight that spills through the slit windows above his head. Kylo still has not returned. 

His head is feeling a bit clearer, now, and he sets his mind to escape. Busting out is a more appealing option than continuing to hope that he can lie successfully to a Force user. 

But it wasn't all lies, was it? At least, not at one time. Poe remembers a day over a decade ago, hearing the news of the Jedi Academy's destruction. 

_"Master Skywalker was the only survivor," his father finishes gently, resting a hand on Poe's shoulder._

_At first it doesn't compute. Doesn't feel real. And then his father says, "I know how much Ben meant to you," and it hits home._

_Nineteen year old Poe falls heavily into the chair, numb._ No no no no.

_This wasn't real. Ben had been alive just a week ago. He'd seen him one_ week _ago. He couldn't be gone. Poe waits for tears, but they never come. He simply sits in silence, staring at the floor, jaw slack. And for one brief, fleeting moment, he hates the Jedi. If Ben hadn't left, he'd still be alive. If Ben hadn't chosen this life over Poe, he'd still be alive. He'd still be alive._

The memory passes, and Poe feels hollow all over again, but for a different reason. Ben, who once upon a time Poe would have given his _life_ for, had been the one to torture him on the _Finalizer._ Had been the one to nearly kill Finn, to murder Han. To kill the Jedi. To find out that the one he'd mourned was to blame for so many atrocities leaves Poe ill. He shakes his head, tossing the thoughts aside. He can ponder the implications later. Right now, he needs to escape. 

Poe spends the night combing the room he is in, inspecting every seam, pushing at the windows to see if they will budge. He sees nothing outside the transparisteel but clouds—how high above the ground _is_ his cell?—and realizes escape will not come that way. He tries the door, already knowing it's locked, but the lock feels flimsy. Poe pushes against it, kicks it, rams it with his shoulder, but still the lock somehow stays intact. 

He wears himself out in no time and falls back on his mattress, stumped. His head is starting to throb again and he lies down, closes his eyes. 

Poe has to prepare now, to do what he must to get out of here. Kylo left him food. Surely that meant that he wanted to keep Poe alive for the time being. Poe just has to fool him into thinking that his childhood feelings are still there. Maybe, just maybe, he can fool Kylo into keeping him alive until Poe has a real chance to escape. Rescue is out of the question; no oneknows where he is. _He_ doesn't even know where he is. This is his only option. 

It makes his stomach twist, thinking about what tricking Kylo might entail. _For Finn_ , he reminds himself. He's not dying without telling Finn he loves him. He's not dying without telling Finn good-bye. 

He will do what he must.


	6. Chapter 6

The team leaves bright and early the next morning. Finn, having returned to his bed after his talk with Jess, is relieved when he hears that yes, he is part of it. He steps into the troop transport with seven others. Jess and Karé Kun are escorting the transport in their X wings. 

The flight is long, but that could be because Finn is so anxious to get to their final destination. They drop out of hyperspace behind the planet's moon, just as Poe would have done, and scan for any activity. There is nothing. No ships in orbit, no ships on the ground--none that were activated, at least. This is red flag number one to Finn. If the First Order was really building a new super weapon, there should have been something to show for it. The information that Poe left on is almost certainly false.

Which begs the question: where did the rumor come from? Why would someone lie about a First Order super weapon? What could they possibly have to gain by getting a lone Resistance scout out here?

Unless they wanted only one scout out here. A chilling thought hits Finn: anyone in the Resistance knew it would be Poe deployed on a potentially hazardous mission like this. But what if people outside of the Resistance knew that, too? What if they were specifically _targeting_ Poe? What if capturing him had been the true objective all along? Finn feels suddenly sick. 

The pilot of the troop transport tightens the scan, and they happen upon one energy signature—just one, and it is very small. Very faint. They descend through the planet's atmosphere, accompanied by Karé and Jess in their own fighters. They come out of the clouds above a large plain, interrupted only by the occasional copse of trees jutting out from the tall grass. The ships sweep the plain, sensors peeled for the lone energy signature they found. It takes them almost no time to come across the dark shape sitting just beside a group of trees, and Finn instantly recognizes it as the unmarked X wing they'd sent Poe out in. 

"There!" he points it out, and the ships angle towards the lone fighter. The doors of the transport have barely opened when Finn barrels out of them, weapon up. The seven behind him follow suit as Jess and Karé set their X wings down opposite the transport. Finn approaches the unmarked X wing tentatively, straining to hear anything out of the ordinary. A twig snaps behind him and he whirls around, pointing his blaster directly at a friendly face. 

"BB-8!" Finn says. The little droid beeps happily and rolls up to him, nudging him gently with its dome. The other troops lower their weapons and approach the droid. Jess and Kare have exited their own ships and are making their way to the group. 

"Where's Poe?" Finn asks, and BB-8 explodes into a series of chirps and whistles that he can't comprehend. He glances up at the pilots, assuming they will have a better understanding of the binary code the little droid is speaking.

"It says he doesn't know where Poe is," Jess translates. Finn feels like he's been punched in the gut. 

"Poe left two planetary days ago in search of the super weapon. He never made it back, but a ship did take off from the direction Poe went the same day he went missing," Jess continues. 

This seems to confirm what Finn had thought on the shuttle. Someone wanted Poe, and they had him. 

"First Order?" a Resistance soldier asks behind them. 

BB-8 beeps a questioning sound. 

"He isn't sure. Didn't get a good look," Jess finishes. 

"We should go in the direction Poe was last seen," Karé suggests. "Maybe whoever was on that ship left something behind."

Finn doesn't allow himself to hope, but he doesn't object. The ten Resistance soldiers set off through the tall grass, following BB-8 as it rolled along. 

In due time they reach a ravine, and Finn frowns at it. Along the ravine's edge is a missing chunk of dirt and grass. He goes to investigate, leaving the group behind. It looks fresh, judging by the pile of dirt lying at the bottom of the riverbed. Definitely within two days. 

"Hey, guys," he calls the rest of his team over. The others join him, eyeing the small landslide. 

"Do you think someone made this?" Jess asks. 

Finn shakes his head. "I don't know. It's possible."

BB-8 whistles low, and it immediately catches their attention. Karé is already moving to see what the droid had found over by another thicket of trees. 

"What is it?" she asks. 

BB-8 beeps. 

"It found exhaust residue from a ship," Jess says beside Finn. The group migrates from the ravine to the trees. There is a section of grass that appears to have been tamped down, probably from a ship resting on it. The ship hadn't been very big, a fighter or a commuter transport at best. And that is all they find. 

"There has to be something else," Finn says, unwilling to accept that none of what they have found will lead them to Poe. "Maybe whoever took Poe dropped something."

But the team has searched, and they've turned up empty handed. There is really nothing else here. 

Jess rests a hand on Finn's shoulder and gives it a squeeze. He scrubs a hand over his face, trying to come to terms with this. They have no idea where Poe is, where he went, who took him. And someone had to take him; he'd never leave BB-8. He'd never go somewhere else without calling back first. Now the question remained: was he still alive?

Finn doesn't even want to think about that. He stands there, looking at the imprint the unknown ship made on the ground, and he feels empty. No one says anything. They are waiting for him. 

"Let's go," he hears himself say, but he doesn't feel his lips move. They turn away, back to their ships. Back to the Resistance. Back to a galaxy without Poe. 

————

Morning dawns bright and early. Poe's headache is almost entirely gone, and he is grateful. It is nice to look at the room and not see it spinning. Hunger gnaws at his belly and he reaches for what remains of the bread, chewing it distractedly. He stares hard at the door that stands between him and freedom. There _has_ to be a way to get it open. 

The rest of the day is spent working on that door, to no avail. Each of Poe's attempts to knock it down return fruitless. He finds the hinges, rusted of course, and thinks maybe they are weak enough to break. He tries kicking them, and as he predicted the bottom one crumbles. But the top two hinges are too high to kick, and after repeatedly pummeling them with his fists, he has nothing to show for his effort but bruises on his palms. He needs something to _hit_ the hinges with, something harder than his hand. 

His thirst is growing. When was the last time he had a drink? How long had he been out the day before? It must have been over twenty-four hours, at least. Poe glances at the fountain out of the corner of his eye. 

_No_. Kylo would be coming back. It didn't make sense for him to keep Poe alive just to abandon him. If not because of their past, at the very least because of Poe's position in the Resistance. He was a very high ranked pilot, after all. He knew things. Things the First Order could use. It didn't make sense for Kylo to keep him locked up here forever. 

But it also didn't make sense that Kylo would grow sentimental now. Not after killing his father. And yet, that had certainly happened. The whole situation is confusing. Poe presses the palms of his hands to his eyes and makes a frustrated noise. 

He gives up on the door for the time being. He goes back to his mattress, sits. Wanders around the room. Does crunches to pass the time. Still no Kylo. And his thirst is nearly unbearable. The calisthenics don't help. So Poe stops, and sits, and continues to wait. 

Day turns to night and he isn't sure when exactly he falls asleep, but when he wakes up it is bright and sunny again. There is no sign that Kylo visited in the night. Now Poe starts to think: what if Kylo doesn't come back? He can't kill Poe, obviously. Perhaps this is Kylo's way of getting rid of a problem. Sweeping it under the rug and hoping starvation or thirst will kill Poe first. The thought worries him. There has _got_ to be way out of this cell. 

His eyes slide back to the fountain, and he notices the pipes running from beneath it into the wall. Perhaps one of those would be heavy enough to break the hinges? 

Separating the pipes from each other turns out to be an even bigger battle. They are rusted together and refuse to come apart. Poe works on them for the better part of an hour, but he is just left exhausted and thirstier than before. Finally, he can't take it anymore. He stands, presses the fountain button, winces at the harsh red-orange color of the water, and takes a sip. The flavor makes him gag. It is dirty and metallic and likely filled with bacteria that will ultimately cause some sort of illness. Oh well, Poe thinks. At least he won't die of thirst. He forces himself to drink more of the disgusting water, until the ache at the back of his throat is sated. 

Strangely enough, simply drinking something has left him reenergized. He returns to the pipes, twisting and pulling, until he feels one start to give. With a triumphant sound he finally wrenches the U bend free. Rust and a small amount of water drip from the end of the pipe. Poe shakes the residue from his hands and goes to the door, bringing the pipe down onto the middle hinge. After only a few hits the hinge all but disintegrates. Poe grins. Two down, one to go. 

The third hinge is far more stubborn. It takes him another half hour of non-stop beating to finally crack it in half. The thin metal door sags inward, and it is no matter for Poe to wrench it out from its jamb. He leans the door up against the wall of his cell and then peaks out of the opening. 

He is staring down a long hall, also stained with rust and lined with windows. Sunlight pools on the floor like water, and outside the windows Poe can make out the faint outline of a sun through the cloud cover. He steps out into the hall and rests his hands against the transparisteel, looking down through the clouds, straining to see the ground. He can see nothing but clouds for miles. There is nothing supporting his prison, either, and it is then the pieces click. This is a floating city. Abandoned for who knows what reason, but there will be no escaping onto the ground. Poe slams his fist against the window, angry. But of _course_ Kylo would choose a cloud city to hold him. No way out except by ship, and Kylo undoubtedly scanned this entire structure for any signs of a working vehicle. Kylo Ren really is Poe's only way out. 

_If he ever comes back_ , Poe thinks. He rolls back on his heels, chewing his lip. No, he isn't going to give up yet. Maybe there's a radio relay somewhere in the city that Poe could repair, get a message to the Resistance. He still has a few hours of daylight left, so he decides that is his next course of action. 

He travels down the hall, looking into the rooms he comes to. There is old furniture, some tipped over and broken, some draped in sheets and pressed up against the walls. Old, powerless computer terminals fill many rooms. Poe couldn't live with himself if he didn't at least try to make one wake up, but after a few hopeful button presses resigns himself that there is no power to any system in the city. There are no lights, no thermostat—the chill from the planet's atmosphere bleeds through the walls and seeps deep into Poe's bones. If Poe _does_ find a radio relay, his only hope is to jury rig some sort of solar power bank that he can charge through the windows. 

He continues to explore, crawling down old turbolift shafts using service ladders, combing through every room. Some rooms, those on the inside of the city, are pitch dark and Poe navigates only through touch. He reaches one room with what feels like a long table, and as he is traversing this large room, he smacks his knee on the edge of a smaller table. Something rolls off the tabletop and lands on his foot. Cursing, Poe reaches down to pick it up. 

It is a long, smooth cylinder, and there is a button on the side. For whatever reason, Poe's first thought is "lightsaber." His second thought is simply "light" and, holding the object parallel to him, he presses the activator button. Not a lightsaber, no, but light does fill the room. It is a torch, seemingly powered by a small hand crank on the butt of the light. 

"Yes!" Poe whisper-shouts to himself. He scans the room with the light, and it lands on a pile of what looks like ration bars sitting in the center of the long table. Poe's stomach growls and he quickly grabs the bars, stuffing them into the pockets of his pants. He keeps one out, rips the cover off of it, and takes a bite. 

It has long since expired. Like the water, it tastes bitter and metallic in his mouth. But it is food. He devours the bar. There are four left; he will ration them. One a day, he thinks. That should give him time to figure out a plan. 

He continues on through the halls, flashing his torch into all the rooms, eyes peeled for any more ration bars. Everything comes up empty. He tries to stifle his disappointment. What is he expecting? A miraculous never-ending supply of ration bars? A radio relay in pristine condition with a power light on?

He slowly works his way through the upper levels, and as he nears the outer perimeter it begins to grow light again. He flicks off the torch and approaches a window, looking outdown through the clouds. Poe is on the opposite side of the city from his cell, it looks like. A few floors below him he can see a landing platform leading into what he assumes is a large hangar, and if he squints he can just make out the almost-hidden stabilizers of a ship poking out from inside. Almost immediately his pulse quickens. 

_A ship_. What are the odds Kylo left it alone? That it could actually be repaired and flown out? Surely Kylo Ren hadn't searched _every_ inch of this city. Poe races back the way he came, swinging into an empty turbolift shaft and sliding down the ladder to the floor where the hangar is. He comes upon a large hangar door, just ajar, and squeezes through into a massive space. There is a ship in the hangar, an ancient YT-1760 transport, sitting quietly on its landing gear. It looks intact. 

Poe whoops and charges towards it, racing up the gangplank and almost tripping over his own feet in the process. He clambers into the cockpit, eyes scanning the dashboard. All the instruments seem to be undamaged, untouched. Poe touches a button and, to his surprise, it glows under his hand. A whirring sound reaches his ears and he turns to see the gangplank pulling back into the ship. Power! There's _power_! 

But are the engines alright? Poe doesn't dare hope. He hurries through the ship to the engine room, and he is hit with a major blow: the hyperdrive is gone, completely gone, and the sublight engines are caked in white residue. But the ship had power. Maybe there was some way to get the transmitters back online. He could send a message to the Resistance and they could trace the signal, come for him. 

Poe goes back to the cockpit and sits in the pilot's seat, tapping a few buttons and watching the screen as the systems report pops up on it. There is a fifty-fifty split of green and red, functioning and nonfunctioning systems. Poe goes down the list, noting everything that is offline. Hypderdrive, down. Life support, down. Radio...down. 

"Dammit!" he shouts, and punches the ceiling. It hurts, but he is too frustrated to feel the pain. He was so close, so _kriffing close_. It takes him a moment to calm down. It's not hopeless. The ship has power, and radios could be repaired. Poe just has to find the right parts. He's sure he can get it up and working again. He _has_ to. 

Outside the hangar, the sun is setting. Poe shivers and decides it is time to return to his cell. He redeploys the gangplank and begins the long trek back through the city. By the time he reaches his room, he is tired and hungry and his thirst has returned with a vengeance. Poe goes to take another drink from the rancid fountain before remembering he'd taken the U bend pipe out. He'll fix that tomorrow. Right now he just wants to sleep. 

He collapses onto his mattress, and for a moment just stares into the dark. It really seems like Kylo Ren has decided not to return. That ship is Poe's only hope. But, he wonders, will he be able to fix the ship before he succumbs to hunger or the elements? The temperature has dropped considerably since the sun set. He shivers violently and curls in on himself, trying to conserve body heat. 

He has enough food for four days. He will make it that long, at least. And, he hopes, it will be enough to get the radio working. 

_But what if it's not?_ a voice inside him whispers.

Then, Poe thinks, he better hope that Kylo Ren comes back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thank you to all who give kudos and comment. Gives me a will to keep writing honestly. I don't necessarily have time to respond to your comments but I read each one and it means a lot. <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If JJ can release the next Star Wars trailer, I can release another chapter dammit. ALSO SOMEONE SCREAM WITH ME PALPATINE IS BACK MOTHERFUCKERS. THE RISE OF SKYWALKER. I'M DYING.

Four days pass. Poe manages to repair the fountain in his cell, and the taste of the water is growing less and less repulsive. He hardly realizes it is tainted anymore, and he has yet to come down with any illness. But he is unable to fix the radio transmitter, though it is not for lack of trying. He spends every waking moment trying to reconnect the right circuits, but without a soldering gun it's nearly impossible to get things to stay in the right place. Working on this radio is a huge source of frustration, and as the days dwindle Poe grows more and more desperate. He realizes his mind is slipping, struggling to recall trivial bits of information that he could normally recall like a pro. One ration bar a day is not enough to keep his brain going. Still, Poe presses on. 

Outside of his water situation, nothing else is going his way. He attempts to stave of hopelessness but each night he lies awake wondering if he will rise in the morning. The temperatures are growing colder at night. There is very little insulation to protect him from the elements. Starvation is a long way off, but if Kylo Ren does not return it is inevitable. A slow, horrible death.

It is Finn who keeps him going. He thinks often of his boyfriend, and wonders what the Resistance thinks of his disappearance. Have they written him off as dead yet? Have they even searched for him? He hopes BB-8 managed to return to the Resistance. Maybe the little droid saw something that would help them locate Poe. It is wishful thinking, but the alternative to that thinking is to give up all hope. And Poe isn't ready to do that yet. 

More days come and go. Poe keeps a running tally by scratching hash marks on the wall. When he passes ten days, he really begins to think that he will die here. Die alone. Die missing. It kills him to think of what that will do to Finn, the not knowing. But there is nothing more Poe can do but hope, and pray, that his captor returns. 

By day fourteen, Poe is resigned. He is exhausted, he is starving—he knows he has been losing weight. So when he hears the distant sound of thrusters, he at first thinks he's hallucinating. That happened when you were starved, didn't it? There's no way that a ship has landed. No way. 

But Poe also couldn't live with himself if there _was_ a ship there. If there _was_ someone who had somehow landed. So, with a great deal of effort, Poe hauls himself off of his mattress and goes to investigate. 

There is another hangar opposite the one housing Poe's radio project. It is closer to his room, and it takes him no time at all to reach it. The doors to this hangar hang cockeyed, bent and twisted by some force long gone. And there, sitting innocently on the tarmac, is Kylo Ren's ship. 

Poe's heart skips a beat. _Kylo returned_. But was he here to finish the job? Was he here to kill Poe? The pilot thinks his acting might play a part in whether or not he survives the day. He steels himself before the ship, bringing to mind every happy Ben memory he can summon. The hatch opens, and Poe, weakened from days of starvation, half-staggers to it. 

"Ben?" he asks as the dark figure disembarks. 

Kylo straightens his shoulders. His face goes from neutral to twisted in moments. "You are out of your room."

"You didn't come back. I was looking for you," Poe lies easily, stopping just short of the other man. "I almost didn't think you'd come back."

Kylo curls his lip. "Drop the act."

Poe blinks, feigning surprise. Had he been found out? Or was Kylo hoping he would slip up? "I'm not...acting," he stammers. Kylo is suddenly on top of him, one hand outstretched. Poe knows what is coming and closes his eyes against the searing pain that rips through his mind. He can _feel_ Kylo tearing through his memories, looking for proof that Poe is lying through his teeth. Poe could try to hide the truth, like he had hidden the map to Luke Skywalker, and he knows he will be found out. Or he could distract Kylo. This is what Poe opts to do. 

Before Kylo discovers Poe's decision to deceive him, Poe brings up the memories he had just summoned moments before. He throws every memory at Kylo in rapid fire, praying that it will be enough. 

_Ben chasing Poe around a tree, smiling. "You're it!"_

_Poe and Ben sitting at a supper table. Ben lifts his hand and knocks over Poe's glass with the Force, and bursts into laughter._

_Ben, visiting from the Jedi Academy, jogging up to Poe and pulling him into a hug._

_Poe and Ben, older now, lying on their backs beneath the stars. Poe points out Yavin IV's star to Ben. He turns his head and sees the stars reflected in Ben's eyes, and he decides, right then and there, that he is in love._

Kylo withdraws suddenly, sucking in a breath. Poe nearly collapses when this happens, weakened from days without a steady meal. He leans over and puts his hands on his knees. His mind burns like it has been dragged over hot coals, and he knows from experience that it will take time to fade. When Poe looks up, Kylo is looking at him with a completely open expression. 

Horror. 

"I told you," Poe gasps. "It's not an act."

Kylo's face closes off. He lowers his hand, seemingly contemplating what to do.

"Come," he says at last, tone clipped, and turns back to his ship. For one hopeful moment, Poe thinks he is moving him from this floating hell. But no, Kylo boards the ship and returns with...

... _food_. He offers a single ration pack to Poe, and before Poe has a chance to think he is ripping the packet from Kylo's hands, tearing it open, shoveling as much into his mouth as he can, as quickly as he can. Kylo watches him, face impassive. 

"Better?" he asks when Poe has licked every last crumb from the wrapper. 

Not really. When his stomach realized it wouldn't be getting anymore food, it shut down the hunger sensation. Now that Poe has finally, _finally_ , eaten, the hunger is back. Poe wants more, is _desperate_ for more. But he still isn't sure how far he can push Kylo. So he nods and says, "Better."

"Did you have any luck escaping?" Kylo asks, and Poe freezes. 

"I told you, I was looking for you. Why don't you believe me?"

He barely has time to finish the sentence before Kylo is once again forcing his way into Poe's mind. Poe almost doesn't have time to put up the barrier of happy memories. 

_Poe, swinging from the branches of a tree, while Ben lies on its top branch on a lazy summer day. Stripping down to nothing and going swimming in the creek nearby._

_Ben, playfully taunting Poe through his headset as they race speeders through a nearby canyon._

_Both of them, lying in the aftermath of their first time, content in the other's arms._

Kylo pulls back, slower this time, and there is disgust on his face. "Ben is dead. You may as well just forget him."

Poe shakes his head. "I'm not going to. You're _alive_. I _can't_ do that."

"Ben is dead," Kylo repeats emphatically, looking down his nose at Poe. "Now get back to your room."

His hand is dangerously close to his lightsaber. Poe thinks he has done enough for today, so he obeys. With a last look over his shoulder, he returns to the cell to sleep.

————

Day fifteen is when it starts to fall apart. Poe wakes to find Kylo Ren standing in the doorway, glowering. 

"Ben?"  
  
"You were dreaming."

"Yeah, that's what happens when you sleep," Poe says. He immediately bites his tongue, regretting the snarky reply.

Kylo glares. "It wasn't about me."

Poe swallows. He can't remember his dream, so he has no idea if Kylo is right or not. More than likely he is right; dreaming of Kylo would be more of a nightmare. 

"Just tell me you're faking. I promise your death will be quick."

"I'm not faking it, Ben."

"We'll see about that," Kylo says, and stalks towards Poe. At first Poe prepares to throw more memories at Kylo, thinking the other will go through his mind one more time. But then Kylo shrugs out of the cloak resting on his shoulders, and Poe's blood turns to ice. 

He knows where this is going. 

He holds up a hand, scrambling back on his mattress. His back hits the wall and Kylo is still coming. 

“Wait—"

But Kylo is on top of him, grabbing him by the throat and slamming him back into the mattress. He knocks Poe's legs aside, sliding up as close as he can. He leans down, until his face is inches from Poe's.

"Say this is an act," he growls. Poe can feel Kylo's breath on his skin. And he knows there is no right way to answer. If he says yes, Kylo will kill him. And if he says no...

But then Poe sees Finn in his mind's eye, sleeping alone, and he knows there is only one way to answer. He closes his eyes, accepting what is about to happen.

"It's not," he says.

Kylo snarls, hand flexing on Poe's throat. He can only just breathe. And then Kylo does exactly what he wants. 

It goes on for what seems like forever, and then suddenly it's over, and Kylo sweeps out of the room, refastening his cloak as he goes. Poe lies immobile on the mattress, just breathing, for hours after Kylo leaves. His whole body aches, and his throat is sore from trying to breathe around Kylo's unyielding fist. He feels empty, dirty. Wasted. 

_And how nice it would be to actually be wasted_ , he thinks. He would very much like a stiff drink. Or ten. He wants to forget it, put it out of his mind. But it stays, replaying over and over in his head. Poe curls inwards on himself, hating himself for not fighting back. Hating the situation that demands he take it. And wishing, more than anything, that Finn was there to comfort him. 

————

Kylo Ren stalks down the hallway, readjusting the cuff of his sleeve. 

He had returned, telling himself he wouldn't. Telling himself Poe was as good as dead. He told himself all of this, even as he punched in the coordinates to Bespin. Even as he made the jump to lightspeed. Even as he dropped into orbit around the gas giant and slipped beneath the cloud cover. Even as he lowered the gangplank, walked out, and found a half-starved Poe nearly crawling his way. 

He had to finally admit to himself that he'd failed, and failed miserably. Not only could he not kill Poe, he couldn't even leave the damned pilot to die. The other man still held a surprising amount of sway over Kylo Ren, and he was powerless to fight that. 

Poe had to be lying about missing Ben. That was the only explanation. Kylo had ripped him apart on the _Finalizer_. No one, no matter how _good_ they claimed to be, could forget that so easily. Could _forgive_ that so easily. 

But Kylo searches, as violently as he had the first time, and is left reeling by the memories. They are memories he had buried for over a decade. Poe remembered them so vividly, in such detail, and the small voice that Kylo had been trying to ignore swelled. He is _pleased_ that Poe remembered these things. 

_He's still lying_ , Kylo reasons, but he cannot kill Poe as long as he thinks the other still has feelings for him. Can't even let him passively _die_. So Kylo feeds him, and watches as the famished pilot devours the ration bar Kylo gives him. Something in him is stirring and he doesn't like it. It feels almost like... _guilt_. 

That won't do. Kylo _must_ find proof of Poe's deceit. He reaches out and searches again. But again he is met with more memories, more intimate than the last. He withdraws slowly, wondering how to proceed. The guilt of putting someone he cares about (and he does care about Poe, or else he never would have returned) through yet another mind sift is overwhelming. Kylo hates the feeling.

"Get back to your room," Kylo growls, before the feeling has a chance to grow. 

Poe nods and staggers away, and Kylo steeples his fingers as he watches the pilot retreat. There had to be a way to force the truth out of Poe. Torture Poe could handle; they'd established that on the _Finalizer_. And it seemed that even the mind sift couldn't reach the truth. Kylo would have to do something else, something more drastic, to force the confession. And then he could kill Poe in good conscience. 

He knows his plan of action. He waits for Poe the next morning, watching him from the doorway for any signs of waking. When the other finally stirs, he rolls over sleepily. 

"Ben?"  
  
Just hearing the name enrages Kylo. _Ben is dead Ben is dead Ben is dead_. 

No, he's not. The voice that is so pleased to be recognized by Poe undoubtedly belongs to Ben. He must silence it. 

"Just tell me you're faking. I promise your death will be quick."

Poe looks bewildered. "I'm not faking it, Ben."

And there is that name again. Kylo Ren has no problem unfastening the cloak from his shoulders and stepping closer to Poe. The pilot puts two and two together and scrambles back. He is _afraid_ , and Ben's voice hates it. 

_Shut up!_ Kylo mentally shouts, and descends on Poe, wrapping his fingers around the other's neck. 

"Say this is an act," he snarls. 

Poe is resigned. The tenseness leaves him, and he closes his eyes. "It's not."

Kylo could stop there. He could accept that Poe was telling the truth. But he is angry now, angry at himself for being so _weak_. There is no stopping him. 

So he does what he planned on doing, and Poe doesn't fight back. 

When he's finished he stands and Poe instinctively curls in on himself. 

_Pathetic_ , Kylo thinks, but something inside him feels sick. He hates it. Hates it all. He wishes he could just kill Poe and make it all stop, but he can't. Disgusted with himself for a plethora of reasons, he turns and leaves. 

But he knows he'll be back.


	8. Chapter 8

Kylo hasn't returned when Poe next wakes, and a quick jog down to the hangar reveals that his ship is gone. Poe is alone again. This means no food, but it also means Kylo can't touch him. After last night, Poe will gladly starve. 

But he is at a loss for what to do now. Repairing the radio feels hopeless. There's no way out of this city. Not unless Poe happens upon the right tools to patch it up. 

_Maybe you missed something the first time around,_ Poe thinks, and decides to wander. It is pure desperation that urges him on. He thumbs on the torch he found days earlier and just meanders through the halls, searching rooms he's already combed through for something. _Anything_. Food, tools, a blaster to shoot Kylo Ren the next time he comes around...

He finds nothing in the upper levels. He is disappointed, but not surprised. Kylo really did pick the best prison to hold him. 

The lower levels, those beneath the hangar holding the old transport, have yet to be explored. Poe, lacking anything better to do, descends through the turbolift shafts, torch in his mouth. He steps off the ladder into a dusty hall. All the grime, all the muck from the upper levels, has found its way down here. The place is filthy. Poe wrinkles his nose at the stale smell, wondering what could possibly be of value down here. 

_Nothing_ , he thinks. There is absolutely nothing. He thinks about turning back, returning to his room, and going fetal again, but something stops him. A quiet voice, whispering, _Look. Just look. It can't hurt to look._

So he does, and he does it thoroughly. He shines his light inside the rooms, tips over furniture, strips cotton sheets off of old sleep couches. He stirs up a lot of dust that leaves him sneezing, but still he continues on. 

He goes through a dozen rooms and turns up nothing. Poe turns into the thirteenth chamber, and notes that it is filled from floor to ceiling with scrap metal. His breath catches. This is the first almost-useful thing he has found since the torch and the ration bars. He shines his light over the scraps, but his torch is growing dim. He pauses to crank it. The light brightens considerably. 

He once again sticks the torch in his mouth and tears at the scrap metal, tossing bits aside out into the hall. Some of the scrap pieces are too heavy for him to lift and he leaves those be for the moment. If there were going to be tools, they would be in this room. An hour passes of simply pawing through metal, and at the end of it Poe is tired, sweaty, and empty-handed. 

He feels like crying. He doesn't, but he blinks up at the ceiling, defeated. There is a pattern to his stay here: fleeting moments of hope, and then horrible, crushing disappointment. The torch drops from Poe's hand with a thud, and he doesn't move to pick it up. What's the point? He's going to die here. It doesn't matter. Nothing he does will get him any step closer to escape. It's hopeless. 

Poe allows himself just a few moments to wallow in self-pity. It helps no one. He's not about to give up now. He's still going to fight. For Finn. He'll get through this for Finn. He bends down to pick up the torch—and freezes. 

It is shining at the lower edge of one of the larger chunks of scrap metal. There is a small box peeking out from behind the corner, covered in chipped red paint. Poe slowly grabs the torch and moves towards the box like one would approach a trapped animal. He's afraid that if he moves to fast, the box will vanish. A figment of his imagination. 

But no, Poe reaches the box, and he extends his hand and runs his fingers over the chipping paint, and some flakes off in his hand. It is real, it is there. His heart is starting to race. He pulls the box out from behind the metal and lifts the lid. And he laughs. 

It's tools. There's spanners and screw drivers and a carbon chisel and there, underneath the spare wires and screws and nuts and bolts, is a soldering gun. Poe could kiss it. He immediately latches up the toolbox and grabs its handle, racing for the door. Back up the turbolift shaft he goes, taking the rungs two at a time. And then he is bursting through the hangar doors, charging up the gangplank of the old transport, skidding to a stop beside the console and dropping to his hands and knees. He carefully opens the tool box and removes the soldering gun. 

It is in good condition for the most part, but its power bank is long depleted. Okay, okay. Poe can work with this. It's not the end of the world. The ship still has some power left; he could perhaps use the spare wires to connect the soldering gun to the ship and power it like that. 

The only problem is, Poe doesn't know how much juice the ship has left in it. It could be just enough to solder the wires back together, but not enough to also power up the radio relay. Poe leans back on his haunches and chews his lip, thinking. He could try to hook the device up to his torch, but he doubts the battery on the flashlight is powerful enough to actually heat up the gun. 

But his only other option is to let all the parts sit, unused, in the ship, and to hopefully trick Kylo into moving him to a place that would be easier to escape from. And Poe has a pretty good feeling that he won't be moved any time soon. 

Ship's power it is, then. The sun is setting but Poe has his flashlight. He doesn't need the natural light to do his work. With a newfound energy, he sets about connecting the soldering gun to his ship. There's hope for his escape yet. 

———— 

Kylo Ren returns on day twenty three. Poe's repairs have been slow going; he has one shot to fix this radio, and he doesn't want to mess it up. In the process of melting the wires to the radio's circuit board he finds many wires that have been stripped of their insulation. He replaces them with the spare wires from the toolbox. It is entirely possible that the first time Poe fires up the radio it will burst into flames. But the risk is worth the possible outcome. 

He wants to sleep on the freighter, working until he can no longer hold his eyes open, but he recognizes that as foolish. If Kylo Ren were to come back and see Poe putting together a radio relay, he'd realize Poe had been lying all along and he'd kill him. It is best to play it safe. Kylo cannot know that the transport still has power. 

So, every evening as the sun sets, Poe returns to his mattress and forces himself to sleep. His precautions pay off, because he wakes to a sudden noise a few nights later and when he opens his eyes he sees Kylo walking down the hall, holding something bulky in one hand. Poe immediately sits up and forces a smile, but inside his stomach is churning. He still has not forgotten the last time they were together. He doubts he will ever forget it. It will be harder to lie this time around. 

"You're back!" Poe says with forced excitement. Kylo barely acknowledges him. The other man instead sets down the bulky item he is carrying, and then the smell hits Poe. 

It smells like home. He can picture his father standing in their small kitchen, frying _runyip_ steaks in a pan. It is a very particular smell, hard to replicate. And yet here it is. The bulky item turns out to be a simple tray, with an opaque cover snapped over the top, likely to keep whatever lies inside warm. Poe has a pretty good idea of what that is. His neglected stomach growls. 

Kylo sits down on the floor across from Poe and pushes the tray towards him. "Go ahead."

Poe's eyes dart from Kylo to the tray and back again. It would seem that the other man had finally decided to believe him. Perhaps this was his way of apologizing for last time. Poe shows no restraint or hesitation as he did with the bread nearly a month ago. He rips the top off of the tray, and is greeted with exactly what he thought he'd find: a perfectly roasted runyip steak on a bed of greens. There are no utensils, but those would take too long to use anyway. With no care for appearances Poe grabs the steak in both hands and takes a huge bite. 

The flavor takes him back, and he closes his eyes in contentment as he chews. It's been years since he's had any food from his homeworld of Yavin IV, and he _missed_ it. He can't shovel the food into his mouth fast enough. In the span of only a few minutes the tray goes from heaped with food to empty. Poe's stomach protests, unaccustomed to the massive meal it has taken. Poe ignores it. He is full, for the first time in weeks, and it had tasted _good_. None of those bland, expired rations. Real, good food. 

Poe is not above licking the plate clean, but is stopped by a finger under his chin, forcing his face up. And here Poe had almost forgotten he was still a prisoner. He flinches away from Kylo's finger, a reflex that he can't control. Kylo manages to look almost...remorseful? That can't be right. 

"I won't hurt you again," he says quietly. 

Poe eyes the other man distrustfully. "Do you believe me now?"

"Yes," Kylo answers. "You really missed me."

"Yeah," Poe says. 

Kylo leans in and, in a display of tenderness Poe can't believe he is capable of, kisses his temple. Poe immediately stiffens, another reflex. But he forces himself to relax. This will be easier now. Now that he's convinced the other man of his feelings. Kylo won't hurt him again. What does he have to gain by lying to Poe? 

But Poe's work isn't done. He is still trapped, and he needs more time to get the radio transmitter working. He still has to play along. So he sucks in a breath and turns his face so that he is kissing Kylo on the lips. The change in Kylo's demeanor is instant. The other man kisses him back, harsh. Biting. Hungry. _Needy_. His hand wraps around the back of Poe's neck, holding them together, and he shifts his body so he is directly in front off Poe, pushing the empty food tray out of the way. 

It's easy now, Poe thinks. If this is all it is from now on, he can do this. But no sooner has the thought crossed his mind than Kylo's other hand is wandering, first to Poe's hip, then slipping beneath the waistband of his pants. Panic hits Poe like a freight train and he pushes Kylo back, scrambling until his back hits the wall again. He is breathing hard, and hates the fear he knows is on his face. 

Kylo's expression darkens. "I thought you wanted this," he growls. His hand curls into a fist. 

"I do, I do," Poe rushes to save face. "I just...last time. It's...it's still with me, I guess." He waits for Kylo to push into his mind again, and mentally prepares an onslaught of memories. 

But Kylo doesn't do that. Instead he leans back, hands resting on his knees, and studies Poe. His face is neutral. For one hopeful, fleeting moment, Poe thinks Kylo won't try again. Instead, the other man says, "I'll be gentle," and moves forward. There's no way out. Poe has no choice but to give him what he wants. 

He finds himself dissociating, detaching from the current situation, floating above it all. This is happening to someone else. Someone else who isn't him. It is safe up here. Here Poe finds Finn, floating alongside him. There's judgement in his face. 

"Fight back," he says. "Do _something_."

"I can't. I need to get home to you," Poe explains. 

Finn shakes his head. "Who's saying I'll even want you back, after this?"

Poe curls in on himself. He doesn’t want to think it, but what if Finn was right? Who was to say Poe will be wanted back, after what he's done? After what he's allowed to happen? He's just as much at fault here for not fighting back. He looks away from Finn, avoiding his eyes. He can't handle the judgement he sees there. So he returns to his body, and takes it.

————

Kylo leaves Poe alone, but not in an angry rush. He kisses him again, whispers, "I'll be back in a few days," and then is gone. 

Poe feels emptier than before. He pulls his legs to his chest and rests his chin on his knees. He listens for the sound of Kylo's ship taking off, waiting for it to leave before he moves. 

He is disturbed by what Finn told him. It's not Finn, he tells himself. Finn would never say that. It was a figment of his imagination, a projection of his own self-loathing. Of course Finn wants him back. But the awful hallucination stays with him, long after Kylo leaves the cloud city. 

Poe moves at last. There is still daylight left, and Kylo said he'd be back in a few days. Poe has time to get more work done on the ship's radio. He walks in a daze, one hand trailing over the rusty walls, as he moves down towards the second hangar. And there is his ticket out of here, away from Kylo, sitting silently on the bay floor. Poe finds some energy and jogs up the gangplank. And then he gets to work, working by the light of his torch. An hour or so later he solders the last wire in place and holds his breath as he moves to the console. He runs the ship-wide diagnostics again, crossing his fingers. 

The screen lists of the same systems as before. Hypderdrive, down. Life support, down. Radio...online. Poe actually shouts aloud, pumping his fist victoriously. He did it. He's getting out of here. 

Kylo should be far enough away now that he won't be able to monitor any transmissions leaving the planet. Poe just has to send his distress signal along the right frequency, a Resistance frequency, and they'll be able to track it back to him. He's almost there. 

He punches the proper channel into the computer and taps the comm button. 

"This is Commander Dameron of the Resistance fleet, calling for immediate evacuation from current location. I have been taken captive and require immediate assistance."

He keeps the message short, and sends it out. Then he leans back in the pilot's chair, crossing his arms. He just has to hope that someone out there is listening. 


	9. Chapter 9

Someone was indeed listening. Poe is waiting in his room two days later, bored to tears now that his project had been a success, when he hears an engine. There is nothing else to do in this city, nothing to occupy his mind. He finds a child's ball in one of the rooms, small enough to fit it in the palm of his hand, and has taken to bouncing it off the wall and catching it as it rebounds. The whine of a ship's antigrav generators kicking in startles him, and he drops the ball. It rolls away on the floor. 

Those engines sounded a lot bigger than Kylo's small craft. Poe gets to his feet, not daring to believe that there is really someone out there. That rescue is imminent. That he's going _home_. The Resistance certainly tracked the signal and responded fast. Then common sense kicks in, and he realizes that, miraculous or not, there's really a ship out there and he intends to be on it. 

He races from his room, nearly tripping over his feet in his rush to get out, and checks the primary hangar where he normally greets Kylo. There, sitting just outside the hangar bay, is a large freighter. It looks a mess, held together with flimsy screws and a prayer, but it is clearly spaceworthy. More spaceworthy than the old transport in the other hangar. 

The gangplank extends and from the hatch emerges a Clawdite, flanked by a Chagrian and a Dressellian bearing blasters. The cut of their clothing is not Resistance issue, and Poe recognizes none of them. Not Resistance then. So who are they?

The Clawdite sees him, and for some ridiculous reason Poe is actually self-conscious. He knows he must be a mess, hair tousled, covered in grime, a good ten pounds lighter than what he should have been. 

"You are Poe Dameron?" the Clawdite asks. 

Poe straightens, attempting to look a little less like the prisoner he is. 

"I am."

"You said you were being held captive. Where are you captors?"

"He only shows up from time to time. He is, obviously, not here."

"But he will return."

Poe shifts on his feet, uncomfortable for reasons he can't explain. "Yes, eventually. Which means it is imperative that we leave as soon as possible."

"Oh, don't worry. We'll leave," the Clawdite says, and motions the Dressellian forward. Poe suddenly has a very bad feeling about all this and he takes a step back, holding up his hands. 

"And we'll be going where?"

The Dressellian reaches him, and before Poe has a chance to defend himself, slams the butt of his blaster between the human's shoulder blades. Poe, weakened from weeks of near starvation, goes down heavily. 

"We'll take you somewhere neutral. Somewhere hard to locate. Your captor has taken great lengths to keep you hidden. I'm sure they will pay a hefty price for your return."

_Great_ , Poe thinks. _Just my luck the only people to pick up that signal are pirates._

"That's a really bad idea," Poe warns them as he is hauled upright. It takes an embarrassingly long time to get his feet under him. "My captor doesn't like to be...toyed with."

"He is no match for my band," the Clawdite asserts. He turns to the Dressellian "Take him to the brig."

Poe tries one more time as he is led up the gangplank. "Really, for your own good, I'd recommend just leaving me where I am."

"Silence!" The Clawdite hisses, and cuffs Poe over the head. He stumbles, yet _again_ , and grinds his teeth. The pirate ship will no doubt be a change of pace from the monotony, at least. They'll want him alive. They'll probably feed him. And, in time, Kylo Ren will find him, and he will kill every last pirate aboard the ship. Poe almost feels sorry for them. 

The brig is a small metal cell containing a single cot, just as grimy as Poe, and the Dressellian tosses him inside. 

"Get comfortable," he says. "You'll be here for a while."

Poe salutes the Dressellian. "Aye aye, captain."

The Dressellian growls in disgust and shuts the door. Poe climbs onto the cot, wishing he'd had the foresight to bring his ball with him. It was going to be a long few days.

————

Poe knows it might be a while before Kylo comes for him, if his long spans between visits are any indication. In the meantime, Poe is fed two square meals a day and he feels some of his strength returning. He spends the time doing calisthenics, as he had done upon his initial imprisonment in the cloud city. For a moment he entertains the idea of trying to fight Kylo Ren upon his arrival. But that would be foolish, considering the other had the power to immobilize Poe with a thought. No, he would just have to try the radio transmitter again—that is, if the pirates didn't reveal to Kylo Ren that they'd followed Poe's distress signal to the cloud city. Poe might very easily have been sold out, and when Kylo came for Poe he'd kill him alongside the crew. 

It takes exactly five days for Kylo Ren to catch up to the pirates. Poe knows it is Kylo who has captured the ship, because he can hear the screams from his cell. He closes his eyes. Okay, he does feel sorry for the pirates. They had no idea what they were walking into. They may be his captors, but at least they'd fed him, right? And for the duration of his stay they hadn't laid a single hand on him. It was a nice change of pace. 

Poe sits patiently in his cell as the screams draw nearer. He can hear blaster fire now, and the hum of what is undoubtedly a lightsaber. Before long the cries stop, and then a blood red blade is piercing his locked cell door, carving a large circle in the metal. The resulting circular-shaped piece of metal is pried from the hole with the Force, and there, standing in the doorway and breathing hard, is Kylo Ren. 

Poe has had time to prepare for his arrival. He has planned to continue his act, andhopes that the pirates never mentioned the distress signal. When Kylo Ren steps over the threshold, Poe jumps to his feet (he can do it without staggering now), and throws his arms around the other man.   
  
"You found me," he says, as though there was any doubt Kylo would have been able to locate him. Kylo pushes him away, holding him at an arm's length, and looks him up and down. 

"Are you hurt?"

_If I am, it's not because of the pirates._ But Poe shakes his head instead. "No. They didn't touch me."

Kylo growls. "Good. No one is allowed to touch you but me." The possessiveness in his voice does not surprise Poe. Of course he is seen as property and not a human being. But there is a plus side; it seems Kylo doesn't know about the distress signal. Poe is still in the clear. 

Kylo grabs Poe's arm and starts to drag him away. "Let's go."

Poe hesitates. "Back to the cloud city?"

"Yes," Kylo says. Poe wonders if he'd be able to get away with asking to be taken somewhere else, but is too afraid to ask. Regardless, his unasked question is answered moments later. "The Supreme Leader believes you to be dead. Until I kill him, you have to stay out of his sight."

"Oh," is all Poe says. He can't keep the disappointment from his voice. 

Kylo, somehow, manages to look sympathetic. "I am growing stronger. It should not be much longer before I am able to challenge him. And then we can be together."

"Right," Poe says, and forces a smile. "Then home we go."

Kylo leads him through the pirate ship, over the corpses of the crew. Poe sees the Clawdite lying next to his blaster and wonders if, in his last moments, he acknowledged that Poe had been right. 

They reach the docking port and Kylo practically throws Poe into the shuttle. He steps inside himself, closes the hatch, and slides into the pilot's seat. Poe makes a move to sit in the copilot's chair, but is stopped by a harsh look from Kylo. He obediently sinks to the floor instead. Apparently Kylo still, _still_ doesn't trust him enough to let him within range of a radio. 

_No matter_ , Poe thinks. There's nothing he could do on this ship anyway. He'll have to wait for another chance to send out a second signal at the cloud city, and just pray that it reaches the Resistance this time around. 


	10. Chapter 10

His chance doesn't come as soon as he'd like. After they return to the abandoned cloud city, Poe waits for Kylo Ren to turn around and leave. He doesn't. He stays, sticking close to Poe and watching his every move. Suspicious of Poe? Or just worried that another pirate ship will come to kidnap him? Either way, it prevents Poe from going back to his radio. Poe is...annoyed. Still wisely afraid of Kylo, but as long as Poe doesn't slip up he knows that Kylo won't kill him. He is, for all intents and purposes, _safe_. From physical harm, that is. And when one is safe, one becomes prone to other, less wise emotions. Like annoyance. Every time Kylo speaks to Poe it is a battle not to say something biting and sarcastic. It takes everything in him not to fight back when Kylo decides to take what he wants.

No sooner have they reached the cloud city than Kylo is descending on Poe, his mouth hot against the pilot's. Poe already knows where this will lead. He steels himself for what's to come. 

"I was worried they had hurt you," Kylo breaths against Poe's flesh. He takes his hand and leads him back up to the old familiar room. Poe drags his feet under the guise of being exhausted and hungry. He hates that room, and everything he is forced to endure within it. They pass Finn on the way there, and Finn is glaring, shaking his head. 

_Not Finn_ , Poe says, and the vision shifts. He is staring at himself, now, and the doppelgänger follows them. 

"Aren't you tired of being this bastard's plaything?" the double wonders. 

_I have to get home._

"But is it worth all this? Losing your humanity for a chance to fight a war?"

_That's not the only reason._ Poe thinks of Finn, _his_ Finn, the way his smile lights up his face and the gentle touch of his hand and the soft lilt to his voice, and decides that yes, losing his humanity is far better than never seeing his boyfriend again. 

But Kylo can't stay forever. He brought little water along with him, and he refuses to drink the rusty water that Poe has subsisted off of for nearly a month. So, when the clean water runs out and the thirst starts to get to him, he decides to take his leave. 

"I'll be back," Kylo tells Poe in the hangar as he prepares his ship for departure, four days after recapturing Poe. Kylo leans in for a kiss and Poe meets him halfway. 

_It's about time_ , Poe thinks, but outwardly he feigns disappointment. "How long will you be gone?"

"Hopefully not long. Long enough that the Supreme Leader doesn't get suspicious," Kylo informs Poe. He enters his ship and returns with something in his hands. _Ration bars._ "These should keep you until I return."  
  
Poe looks at them, stunned. For the last four days, Kylo has been sure to give him food at fairly regular intervals. But he only offered food when he was around. Now Kylo has decided to _keep_ him fed? This is new. Poe reaches out and takes the bars, holding them like they might disintegrate at just the wrong touch. 

"Thank you," he says, smiling up at Kylo. To his surprise, Kylo Ren actually smiles back. It is small, and might have been more of a grimace than a smile, but it wasn't the scowl he usually wore. With that, he turns, reenters his ship, and then is off. Poe waits until he is sure the ship must have cleared the atmosphere before hastening back to his room. There he drops the ration bars on his mattress and counts them. There are fifteen, just enough to last him five days if he keeps up a regular eating schedule. Kylo really didn't plan on being long. 

Poe sits back, resting his hands on his knees. The question now was, should he risk sending out another message? What if pirates were monitoring the Resistance frequencies again? What if Kylo Ren was now monitoring transmissions remotely? Everything in Poe wants to run down to his radio and send out another plea for help, but it just isn't a good idea. Not with Kylo planning on returning in the next five days, not so soon after the pirate encounter. It is best to wait. Perhaps wait for Kylo to return, and then leave again? Surely Kylo isn't meaning to make this abominable city his home. Another month, then. 

The thought of enduring another month with the monster twists Poe's stomach. But the thought of not returning to the Resistance at all, of never seeing Finn again, is much harder to imagine. He needs to play his cards carefully. He needs to wait, and he _will_ wait, and he _will_ make it home in one piece. 

————

That night, Poe once again goes for a walk. He is going stir crazy in his room, anxious to send out his next signal. He wonders if he'll be able to make it the month he's given himself. He needs a distraction, and his ball just isn't cutting it. So he wanders. 

His feet take him to the upper levels, through corridors and collapsing doorways, and somehow he ends up near a room he doesn't remember ever seeing. He must be at the very top level of the city, because the room itself is almost entirely comprised of transparisteel. It is domed, and lets in light from the moons above. Poe steps inside, awe struck. He hasn't had a real good look at the stars from a planet in what seems like ages. He'd _missed_ them. He lies down on his back, looking up through the dome, and watches them. He can almost pretend he is back on H'laar, and if he moves his hand he'll find Finn's there, lying beside him. Poe takes a stuttering breath. 

He is so homesick. He is so ready to be anywhere but this gods-awful city, on this gods-awful planet, trapped by a sadistic murderer with a surprising amount of sentiment. As Poe is lying there, a memory comes to him 

_The night is calm. Poe sighs, contented, and turns to the younger man lying beside him. Sixteen year old Ben is focusing straight ahead on the stars, pointedly ignoring Poe. Poe is mildly annoyed. They haven't seen each other in weeks, and this is how Ben greets him? With a cold shoulder?_

_"What's your deal tonight?" Poe says, unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice._

_Ben doesn't look at him. Instead he sits up, rubbing the back of his neck. "Master Skywalker says that whatever we are has to end. Attachment is forbidden for the Jedi."_

_"What?" Now Poe is sitting up, squinting hard at Ben. "He didn't seem to have a problem with us_ before _."_

_"Oh, he has. He just hasn't given me an ultimatum before. He says I can't continue my training if we go on."_

_Poe is at a loss for words. "That's...that's so stupid. That's a stupid rule."_

_Ben looks away. "Yeah."_

_Poe wrinkles his nose. "You seem real broken up about it."_

_Ben turns back, and he is glaring. "You aren't my destiny, Poe. It's easy to let go of what you aren't meant to have."_

_Poe feels like he's been slapped. "Easy? You think you can erase years of history, just like that?"_

_"I already have," Ben says._

The memory fades. Poe frowns. It had hurt, at the time. Like a knife slowly twisting in his chest. And then, less than a week later, Poe got the news that the Jedi Academy had been destroyed and Ben supposedly went with it. Now Poe knows the truth. Kylo hadn't cut them off because of some stupid attachment rule. He'd been preparing for his treacherous plot, and severing all ties that held him back. 

But he hadn't severed this tie completely, much to Poe's advantage. A piece of Kylo had held onto their childhood relationship. He'd just needed to be reminded. 

Poe has had enough. He is tired, and the ground in this room is undeniably uncomfortable. The chill from the planet has seeped easily through the transparisteel and he is shivering, much colder than he would be in his own room. He misses his mattress. He hauls himself to his feet, and as he is leaving, feels something sharp cut across his ankle. Poe hisses and jerks his leg away from whatever had cut him. He looks down to see a piece of the door jamb, twisted with razor sharp edges, jutting into the doorway. There is already blood spilling from a surprisingly deep wound just above his ankle bone. 

_Kriff_ , Poe thinks. He kneels down and rips off the hem of his shirt, wrapping it tightly around the wound. It stings like a bantha. A part of him idly wonders what Kylo Ren will think of him injuring himself. _No one is allowed to hurt you but me_ , probably. Poe laughs bitterly at his own joke. 

It is going to be a long month.


	11. Chapter 11

The hours until Kylo Ren's return pass at an agonizingly slow pace. Poe spends almost all of his time confined to his room, resting his ankle in the hopes that it will expedite the healing process. What he wouldn't give for a bacta pack right now. He does what he can, ripping his shirt into shreds and rebandaging the wound when the blood seeps through the previous strip. Each time he takes the wrapping off, he notices the wound getting worse. At first it is just the edges, red and inflamed, but then it grows crusty and white and Poe knows it's infected. And there is nothing he can do about it. 

By the second day the wound is angry and his entire leg throbs. He is afraid that, if Kylo doesn't return soon, Poe will succumb to the wound. And what a stupid way to go. He'd stood against a Force user and won, but gods help him now that a small piece of twisted door jamb had sliced open his ankle. He had survived so much, gone through so much, just for it to end like this? 

_You're not dead yet_ , Poe tells himself. But the third day rolls around and Poe wakes, achey and feverish, and he knows his time is limited. _Blood poisoning._

He is out of options. Kylo still hasn't returned, and likely won't until after the infection kills Poe. There's no way he can withstand two more days of this. His only hope is the radio relay sitting a dozen floors below him. If Poe were able to get a second message out, the Resistance might make it in time. It would be risky, yes. Kylo could very easily be monitoring the planet's communications. But Poe is most certainly dead if he doesn't try.

With a great effort, Poe hauls himself to his one good foot. His injured ankle refuses to hold any weight and he collapses, weakened by the infection. Growling in frustration, he pounds his fist on the floor.

_You're not dying like this_ , he thinks to himself. If he has to _crawl_ to that damned relay so be it. He sets out, and the going is slow. When he reaches the hall he once again pulls himself up and leans heavily on the city walls. Eventually he reaches the turbolift shafts. It takes strength he almost doesn't have to hobble downwards. 

By the time he does finally manage to reach the hangar with the radio relay, the sun is setting. It takes the last of Poe's energy to stagger into the cockpit and fall heavily into the pilot's chair.He activates the radio, breathing hard. When he speaks his voice is weak. 

"This is Commander Dameron of the Resistance. I am being held by Kylo Ren, and I am wounded. Send help immediately."

He cuts out the transmission and sags down in the chair. He is spent. He wants to fall asleep right there, but common sense stops him. There's no guarantee that Kylo Ren won't show up tonight, and if he found Poe in the old transport he wouldn't wait for the infection to kill him. Just the thought of making the long trek back to his room makes Poe want to cry, but he has no other options. 

With a grunt he hauls himself out of the chair and drops to his hands and knees. If crawling is all he can manage, that's what he will do. It takes an embarrassingly long time just to make it back to the turbolift shaft, and going up is much more difficult than going down. Poe grits his teeth and begins the ascent, his injured leg dangling uselessly off the ladder. The sun has fully set when he emerges, and the moonlight spills onto the grimy hallway carpets, leading him back to his room. He crawls the rest of the way and when he finally, _finally_ reaches his mattress, he collapses. He has no more energy. He can muster nothing else. Poe closes his eyes and just listens to his breathing. It is ragged, and shallow, and it scares him. He wonders if he'll survive the night. What if he falls asleep and doesn't wake up?

Poe uses everything in him to stay awake, but weariness drags at his aching bones. He is powerless when sleep finally comes to him. 

The sun rises the next morning, and Poe doesn't stir. 

————

It has been over a month since Poe vanished. One long, agonizing month, and Finn has given up hope that he'll ever see his boyfriend again. Even Jess and Snap, ever the supportive optimists, have stopped telling Finn that Poe will return. They, too, seem to realize that whoever has Poe is not looking for a ransom. And with no clues as to who this mysterious person is, they have no way to even attempt a rescue. 

Finn is crushed. He goes about his duties, but he is only half there. The other half of him is numb, empty. He hasn't flown since the last day he spent with Poe; Finn finds he has lost the desire to. He doesn't want to be reminded of Poe at every turn. Black One sits heavy and unused on the tarmac, and Finn wonders who will earn Poe's ship. They can't wait for Poe's return forever, and they can't afford to retire a ship just because its pilot went missing. Someone will inherit Black One. 

Life goes on. After another round of sharpshooting instruction in the training fields, Finn walks dejectedly back to the mess. He gets his food, sits at a table, and just stares at his meal. He has no appetite—hasn't had an appetite in almost a month—but he forces himself to eat. He needs his strength. He has half finished his meal when he hears someone calling his name. 

"Finn!"

Finn looks up, squinting across the mess. There, running towards him and knocking other Resistance personnel aside, is Jess. She looks almost...frantic. 

"Finn!" she says, and slams her hands down on his table. 

Finn is immediately on the alert. "What is it, Jess?"

"General Organa wants to see you. It's about Poe."

Finn is on his feet instantly, already moving without knowing where to go. 

"She's in the communications center," Jess calls after Finn, and he barely acknowledges her. 

_It's about Poe_. Had they found him? Had they been contacted by whoever took him? He starts to run without telling his legs to move. Down the corridors, through doorways, skidding to a stop outside the comms. And there is Leia, standing before a hologram, and Finn looks up at the hologram and his heart nearly stops.

He only knows the man hovering above the holotable because he has seen pictures. The man there is older, beaten, but beneath his grey beard the face is undoubtedly Luke Skywalker's. 

Skywalker looks up at Finn, and even through the hologram his gaze is piercing. Finn immediately goes to attention. Leia turns and sees him, then motions him over. Finn jerks forward, moving on stiff legs. _What is going on? What does this have to do with Poe?_

"Finn," Leia says as he approaches. She motions to the hologram. "This is my brother, Luke Skywalker."

Finn mumbles something like a greeting, but he is wound too tight for it to make sense. Skywalker seems to find this amusing, because his lip twitches up ever so slightly. The smile vanishes almost as soon as it had appeared, however. 

"Jess said this was about Poe," Finn says, looking to Leia. She nods and motions back to Skywalker. 

"You are Finn, then? Rey speaks highly of you," Skywalker starts. Finn straightens. "Yes, she picked up a distressing message from Commander Dameron, originating from the Outer Rim world of Bespin. We were able to trace the signal back to an abandoned city known as Shekir."

Finn's heart soars. They know where Poe is! He turns to Leia. "We're going after him, right?"

Leia looks less than optimistic. Finn turns a questioning eye to the Jedi Master. 

Skywalker sighs. "He also mentioned it was Kylo Ren who held him."

Finn feels like he's been sucker punched. He takes a step back. Of course Kylo wanted Poe. He was a high-ranking military official in the Resistance. He'd escaped once, probably before the First Order had all they wanted from him. But then, why were they on Bespin? In an abandoned city no less? Why not a First Order ship? 

"We're still going after him, though. He's not on a First Order ship. We can still get to him."

Leia is shaking her head. "The Resistance does not have the resources to launch an attack on a world solely to regain one pilot, even if that pilot is Commander Dameron. And any small strike team we send will be no match for Kylo Ren."

Finn fights back anger. They know where Poe _is_! They should be able to _get to him_! 

Skywalker seems to sense Finn's sudden spike of rage."That is not to say the situation is lost. I have avoided my past for long enough. It is time I face my old apprentice."

"You? You're going after him?" Finn asks. Skywalker nods. "Then take me along."

"I am afraid that wouldn't be wise—" Leia starts, but Finn interrupts her.

"I don't care what's wise," he says vehemently. "I'm not going to wait for you to bring him back."

Skywalker, once again, almost smiles. "You are a capable soldier. I see no reason why you should not be allowed on a rescue mission. Unless General Organa still objects...?"  
  
Leia looks skyward. "Finn, the last time you faced Kylo Ren, you ended up in a bacta suit for two weeks."

"I know what Kylo is capable of. I won't underestimate him, but I'm not going to sit back and let someone else rescue Poe. I'm going."

She gives him a wry look. "I still say it's unwise, but you have my permission."

Finn turns back to Skywalker. The Jedi inclines his head. 

"We will arrive on H'laar by morning. Make your preparations."

Finn nods and exits the communications room, pulse pounding. Poe is alive! And they are going for him. He feels far too anxious to return to his room, but knows that sleep is now what he needs most. He goes back to his quarters, and sleeps in an empty bed for what he hopes is the last time.


	12. Chapter 12

Four days after Kylo Ren left Poe, he returns. His last mission for the First Order had gone smoother than anticipated, and given Kylo the freedom to return much sooner than he'd expected. He'd left Poe enough food for a good week, if the pilot had been smart enough to ration it, but with him he brings even more ration bars. A meal like the one he'd managed to slip Poe over two weeks ago was hard to come by. But Poe is a soldier. He is used to living without the comforts of home. Ration bars will do fine.

Kylo sets his ship down in the hangar of the cloud city and disembarks, noting that Poe is not there to greet him. No matter. Kylo has a habit of returning at night, long after Poe has retired. He is undoubtedly in his room. Kylo makes the trek through the filthy, decrepit city to the room where Poe sleeps. If he reaches out, he can sense the other man, but there is something off about his life force. It is weak, thready. Kylo picks up the pace. Had more pirates come while he was gone? Had they hurt Poe? Anger grows in his belly and by the time he bursts into Poe's room, he feels powerful enough to rip the intruders apart with the Force alone. But there is no one but Poe in the room, lying on the dirty mattress, shivering hard. He is shirtless, and at first Kylo thinks he is shaking from the cold—and then he sees the other man's ankle. 

The wound is vicious, angry. Obviously infected. Kylo's heart twists. _No no no no no_. He drops to his knees beside Poe and shakes him gently. The other man doesn't respond. 

"Poe!" Kylo hisses, and there is no response. Cold fear trickles down Kylo's spine, and he hates the feeling. He hasn't been afraid in years, and now he is terrified that he is too late for Poe. 

The irony is not lost on him. Just over a month ago Kylo would have been more than happy to let the blood poisoning run its course. It meant less work for him. Now, the thought of losing Poe to something as asinine as an infected wound is devastating. Kylo is weak, but he doesn't _care_. He cares only about Poe. 

Kylo has a decision to make. He could easily take Poe to one of the other floating cities on Bespin, but the risk of word getting back to the Supreme Leader that Poe was alive, that Kylo had failed to kill him, was unacceptable. Kylo's only other option is to leave Poe to get medicine, and just hope that the pilot will survive long enough to take it. Kylo has no other choice. He has to leave Poe. 

He unclips the cloak from his shoulders, and drapes it over Poe. 

"I'll be back," he says. "As long as I live, you won't die."

He stands and runs out the door without hesitation. There's no time to waste. Poe is fading fast. Kylo doesn't slow until he reaches his ship, and he flies through the startup sequence. Then he pushes forward on the throttle and his ship zooms out of the hangar. 

The nearest city is two hours away at top sublight speed, and the entire flight Kylo worries. He finds himself searching out Poe's life signature with the Force, until he is too far out to sense it anymore. So far so good. Poe is still alive. The pilot just has to hold out until Kylo returns. 

By the time Kylo Ren reaches the nearest city, he is vibrating with anxiety. He sprints down the gangplank. Two customs droids approach the ship, making like they are to stop him. Kylo doesn't have time for this. He draws his lightsaber and activates it. The droids pause, unsure, but they still stand in Kylo's way. He rushes forward, slashing as he goes, leaving the smoldering bodies of the droids behind. 

Once inside the city, it is just a matter of locating the medical bay. It is still night time, and few people roam the halls. The few that do take one look at the flaming lightsaber in Kylo's hand and wisely turn and run. Kylo growls and chases after one, reaching out with the Force and immobilizing a human woman with his grip. She struggles, fear in her eyes. 

"Where is the medical bay?" he barks. Her brows pull together in confusion. 

"The medical bay?"

"Yes!" Kylo hisses, drawing closer to her. The woman's eyes dart to the lightsaber in his hand and then back down the hall. 

"I can take you there," she says. "Please don't kill me."

_Pathetic._ Kylo releases her all the same and motions her on. "Take me there. Now."

She nods and hastens back down the hall, Kylo hot on her tail. They enter a turbolift and descend into the lower parts of the city. The city's hall lamps are muted for the night, casting long shadows on the floors. They exit into the hall and she leads him down a series of twists and turns until they arrive at a pair of sliding doors. Kylo pushes past her roughly and barges into the medical bay. 

There is a medical droid staffing the intake desk. It looks up at him. 

"Good evening, sir. How may I be of assistance?" it drones. Kylo deactivates his lightsaber and hangs it from his hip. 

"I need medicine." 

"Certainly. For what condition?"

"Blood poisoning."

The droid eyes him. "You do not look ill. Where is the patient?"

"That doesn't matter," Kylo snarls, slamming his hand down on the intake desk. The more time he spends here, the closer Poe edges towards death. "Do you have it or not?"

"I am afraid, without actually examining the root organism poisoning the blood, I do not know which antibiotic to prescribe."

Kylo is growing impatient. There isn't time for this. Kylo grabs his lightsaber and reactivates it, holding it to the medical droid's neck. "Just give it all to me, then."

The droid seems unphased by the humming blade of plasma centimeters from its neck. "Mixing drugs could prove more detrimental to the patient. If there is no way to identify the organism, I can give you a broad spectrum antibiotic that will hopefully take out what is causing the infection."

"Just do it!" Kylo says. 

If it were possible for a medical droid to be annoyed, then this one was. "Certainly, sir," it says curtly, and disappears deeper into the medical bay. It returns with a bottle containing a singular pill. "This is the best I can do in your situation."

Kylo rips the bottle from the droid's hand and, without another word, bolts back out the doors. He knows the way back to his ship and he cuts down anyone who stands in his way. He still has a two hour journey back to Poe's prison. 

The hours pass slowly. Kylo drums his fingers on the steering yoke, the bottle with the antibiotic hanging heavily in his pocket. Then he lands and he is racing back up to Poe's room, sighing in relief when he feels that the other is still alive. His life force is barely there; Kylo has made it just in time. 

He skids to a stop at Poe's bedside and drops to his knees. The pilot is curled in on himself beneath Kylo's cloak. His shaking has subsided, likely because his body is too weak to keep it up. He doesn't stir when Kylo rolls him over onto his back. 

Kylo crushes the pill between his fingers and, holding Poe's mouth open, sprinkles the dust onto his tongue. Still no reaction from the pilot. Kylo sits back on his heels, heart pounding. How long would it take for the antibiotic to kick in? How would he know if it had worked? His eyes flicker to the open wound on Poe's leg. Perhaps he should also have gotten a bacta pack from the droid as well. Would the wound heal now that he'd administered an antibiotic? Kylo sits there, these questions on his mind, staring anxiously at Poe for what seems like an eternity. Then, miraculously, Poe's eye flutter open. 

He squints at Kylo Ren, confused.

"Ben?" he rasps, voice barely above a whisper. Kylo rests a hand on his cheek. He is so relieved and he knows it shows on his face. 

"I thought I'd lost you for a moment," Kylo says. 

Poe struggles to prop himself up, but Kylo puts a hand on his chest and forces him back onto the mattress. 

"You are still weak. You need to rest."

"Yeah," Poe says. He's still watching Kylo with confusion on his face. 

"What's that look for?" Kylo asks. 

Poe looks away. "I thought you'd let me die. It would solve a lot of your problems."

"Yes, but I'd rather have you," Kylo says truthfully. One month ago he would have been happy to let the blood poisoning take Poe, but he knows now he has a weakness and he has only grown weaker. Somehow, he still doesn't care. 

It is still night outside the city. Kylo lays down on the mattress beside Poe, pulling the pilot close to him. Poe rests his head on Kylo's chest, and exhales slowly. They fall quiet, Kylo satisfied just to hear the blessed sound of Poe breathing, and he realizes this is the closest he's been to content in a long, long time.


	13. Chapter 13

Poe does not sleep at all that night. Maybe it's because he's been nearly comatose for two days. Most likely it's because he is lying in the arms of the man who had tortured him, raped him, threatened to kill him. He is acutely aware that any wrong move now would result in an almost instant death. He is distressed, to put it lightly, but he knows he can't let Kylo Ren sense that. So he stifles it, tamps it down, buries it as deep as it will go, and forces his breathing to become even and slow. Eventually Kylo's breathing matches Poe's own, and he knows his captor is asleep. 

For one fleeting moment, Poe thinks about fighting back, for once. If he shifts his head he can see Kylo's lightsaber, hanging from his belt, so tantalizingly close to Poe's hand. All he has to do is reach for it and activate it before Kylo can react. It seems easy. 

But Poe is not Force sensitive, and his reflexes do not match that of someone who _is._ Kylo would know Poe's intentions before Poe had even moved. The fight would be over before it began. To fight back now is stupid, reckless. And Poe has made it this far. He just has to hold out a little bit longer. Someone will come for him, in time. 

He is so homesick, so ready to be out of this situation that has undoubtedly taken years off of his life. He wants to fly, he wants to joke with Jess and Snap, he wants to see Finn. _Aches_ to see Finn. Sleep is not coming to Poe anytime soon, so he indulges in a fantasy. He imagines himself back on H'laar, hand in hand with Finn, smiling a _real_ smile for the first time in an eternity. If he listens hard enough, he can hear the sounds of ships taking off from the base. They are so close, so there, so _real._ It sounds as if they are just a floor or two away. 

And then Kylo jerks awake against him, and his arms tighten around Poe. He sits up abruptly, and Poe realizes: those engines aren't in his imagination. They are _here_ , they _are_ real. Poe props himself up on his elbow. On the one hand, he is ecstatic that someone has come for him a second time. On the other, Kylo Ren is here, and Poe hopes whoever came is capable of dealing with the First Order warrior. He'd mentioned who his captor was specifically the second time around, so that whoever came for him would not underestimate what they were going up against. 

"Stay here," Kylo says, getting to his feet. Poe, still weak from his illness, lies back down. 

"Is it pirates again?" Poe asks. 

Kylo pauses, and even in the darkness Poe can see how his face twists. His lip curls and he rests one hand on the hilt of his lightsaber. 

"Just stay here," he growls, and stalks out of the room. Poe lies there, frozen. Whoever arrived, Kylo seemed to know them. Recognize them. So now, was it the Resistance, here to rescue Poe, or was it the First Order, having discovered Kylo's dirty little secret? Poe decides he cannot just lie and wait. He stays down for a good five minutes before slowly hauling his limp body to its feet. His injured ankle still throbs, still demands treatment, and his weakened form does not want to stand upright. He sags against the wall of his prison and hobbles forward, careful not to put any weight on his injured ankle. It is odd, but Poe almost feels _weaker_ now that Kylo is no longer beside him. 

He makes it halfway down the hall before he hears footsteps, and his heart leaps into his throat. _Kylo Ren?_

But then the mysterious footsteps turn a corner, and Poe thinks he might cry. _Finn!_

The other is charging down the hall, blaster raised, and beside him is Rey, her lightsaber drawn and humming. Poe and Finn lock eyes and then Finn is dropping the blaster, rushing to Poe, wrapping him in his arms and holding him tight. 

Poe returns the hug as best as he can, though he knows his grip is feeble at best. He buries his face in Finn's neck, breathing in the familiar scent of his boyfriend. How he had _missed_ this!

"I thought I'd never see you again," Poe mumbles against Finn's skin, and the other laughs softly. And suddenly there are lips on Poe's temple, and Poe remembers the feel of Kylo on him. He jerks back, flinching. Finn looks surprised, and confused. 

"Are you okay?" he asks, and if there weren't a more asinine question in the entire galaxy. 

Poe shakes his head, steadying his breathing. "No," he answers truthfully, and Finn's face darkens. 

"I'm going to kill Kylo Ren," he growls, and Poe manages a laugh. 

"I wouldn't try that again, buddy," he says. 

"We should really be going," Rey says from behind them. She looks back down the hall. "I trust Master Skywalker to keep Kylo Ren occupied, but we don't want to stick around here."

"Yes," Poe almost gasps. "Yes, please. Let's leave."

Finn picks up his blaster from the floor and they go forward. Poe uses Finn as a crutch as the trio makes their way back down the hall. It is slow going, and when they reach the turbolift shaft Poe almost, _almost_ falls down it instead of climbing down the ladder. The closer they get to the hangar, to Kylo Ren, however, the stronger he feels. They reach the hangar and hear the clashing of lightsabers. Through the door, Poe can see red and green lights darting through the darkness. Rey curses and jumps through the door, holding her lightsaber out in front of her. 

"Rey, it looks like Skywalker can handle it," Finn tries, but Rey shakes her head. 

"We aren't leaving without Kylo Ren. Master Skywalker needs my help." And she joins the battle. 

Finn adjusts his grip on his blaster and helps Poe through the door. "We just have to make it to the _Falcon_. She's on the other side of the hangar, though."

Poe squints through the dark and he can just make out the silhouette of the Corellian freighter. But standing between them and that ship is Kylo Ren. Skywalker and Rey have him distracted, he thinks, but then Kylo turns, and their eyes lock. Kylo's face darkens and Poe's blood freezes in his veins. Kylo holds out a hand, and Poe knows what is coming. The Force knocks him out and everything goes black.

————

Kylo Ren walks with purpose down the city's corridors, a scowl etched into his face. He grabs his lightsaber and activates it. They are here: Skywalker, the traitor—Finn—and the scavenger girl. Rey. They came for Poe. Little do they know that Poe will not be leaving with them. 

He stops at the bay doors to the hangar. Rey and Finn are no where to be seen, but Skywalker is there, arms crossed. The Jedi lifts his chin and their eyes meet. 

"You," Kylo Ren says with a curled lip. 

Skywalker remains calm. "Me," he says. He reaches for his lightsaber and turns it on, the virid blade cutting through the darkness. Kylo would see him dead. 

With a yell he charges, closing the distance between himself and his old master. Skywalker parries his blow effortlessly. 

"Sloppy," he says, and tsks. It enrages Kylo Ren. He brings his blade back up and slashes downward at Skywalker. The Jedi parries this as well, but he is thrown off balance just a bit. Kylo attacks again, and again, and each time Skywalker only blocks. He never retaliates. 

"Hit me!" Kylo shouts, frustrated, and Skywalker smirks. 

"As you wish." 

Kylo barely has a chance to dodge as the Jedi moves forward with surprising speed, slashing as he goes. Kylo skids back, chest heaving, the fabric on his shirt sleeves singed from Skywalker’s lightsaber. Rage crashes over him like a tidal wave and he whirls back around, lightsaber up.

They continue to fight, Skywalker only making a move every so often. But when he does attack, it is devastating, knocking Kylo off balance and out of his groove. Kylo doesn't recall Rey showing up, but he is suddenly fighting two Jedi instead of one. 

If Rey is here, does that mean Finn has arrived as well? Kylo reaches out and feels not just Finn, but Poe, too. He turns and sees Finn supporting a very weak-looking Poe. _Not today!_ He jumps away from the Jedi, reaches out, and knocks Poe unconscious with the Force. He charges away from Skywalker and Rey, hellbent on killing anyone who _dared_ to lay a hand on Poe. 

The traitor tries to dodge Kylo Ren's attack, but Kylo easily trips him with the Force. Finn goes down, dropping Poe as he does so, and Kylo raises his blade, ready to make the killing blow. As he brings the lightsaber down, however, it is parried by blue. Rey knocks Kylo backwards while Finn scrambles to safety. Kylo growls and plants himself firmly between the traitor and Poe. 

"He. Is. _Mine,_ " Kylo bites out, and turns to face the oncoming Jedi. Skywalker and the scavenger girl square off against him. Rey twirls her lightsaber in her hand and Skywalker readjusts his grip on his own hilt. Kylo narrows his eyes. With a yell, he launches himself at Skywalker. There was a time when he would relish in the chance to kill his old master. Another link to his past, severed. But his weakness has come back to haunt him. He cares more about getting Poe away from the two Jedi and the traitor than he does about killing any of them. He surely wouldn't object if they were to die, but that is not his end goal. If he only makes it out of here with Poe he will count it a win. 

His blade meets Skywalker's in a shower of sparks. The scavenger girl comes from behind, swinging her own lightsaber at his back. She has improved considerably since their last battle, but Kylo was injured then. An easy target. Now he is healed, in peak condition, and he easily ducks away from the attack. The battle rages on, and Kylo pours all his hate, all his anger, all his _fear_ of losing Poe, into the fight. He backs Skywalker and Rey away from Poe, and every so often turns back to see the traitor, Finn, rushing to Poe's side. Anger flashes through him, hot and searing, and he pushes Finn back with the Force. 

Rey and Skywalker draw him back to the battle, and so it proceeds for what feels like hours, but must only have been minutes. Kylo can feel himself growing weary, but sees how Rey's attacks are coming slower and how Skywalker takes more and more time to strike at him. They are all becoming tired. Kylo glances over at Poe and sees he is now awake, struggling to his feet. He looks a wreck. Kylo wants to tell him to get to the ship, but doubts he would be heard over the sounds of the fight. He turns back to Skywalker and Rey, and allows them to push him back towards Poe. 

Parry, strike, parry, strike. The battle progresses with increasing predictability. They are at an impasse, equally matched. Now it is a matter of who will tire first, who will make the first mistake. Kylo knows it will not be him. He knows this, until he glances back and sees Poe and Finn together, sees Poe clinging to Finn for dear life, sees Poe, _his_ Poe, glaring viciously at Kylo Ren. And it hits him then: Poe _was_ lying. 

He staggers. It is just one misstep, but it is enough. His blade falters and Skywalker sees his opportunity, severing Kylo's hand at the wrist. The pain is staggering. Kylo gasps and goes down, clutching at the smoking stump. _No._ He looks up into the eyes of his old master, and he should feel hatred towards him. And he does, but it is overshadowed by the heartache he feels. The _betrayal_ he feels. The anger at his own stupidity. How had he missed Poe's obvious contempt? How had Poe hidden it from _him_? Kylo glares up at Skywalker. 

"Do it, old man," he growls. "Finish what you started." 

Skywalker doesn't answer. He doesn't look triumphant, either. He just looks...sad. Kylo wants to think him pathetic, but his heart is shattered and he knows he is no better. Rey is beside Skywalker, watching him through narrowed eyes. Finn stands off to the side, looking bruised from being tossed around. Kylo seeks out Poe, and when he finds him he sees the pilot with Finn's blaster hanging from his hand. Kylo is breathing hard, and he snarls at his old lover. 

"You were mine!" he shouts. 

Poe, looking inches from death, shakes his head. 

"On your feet, Kylo Ren," Skywalker commands, holding him at the end of his glowing green lightsaber. Kylo obliges. He looks down, and then back up, and he sees Poe has brought the blaster up to rest on Kylo's heart. 

"I was never yours," the pilot manages to spit out, and squeezes off three shots. 

"Poe, no!" Skywalker shouts, and deflects two of the blaster bolts. The third hits home, burrowing deep into Kylo Ren's chest. A fitting end, he thinks. It is his last thought before the world goes dark forever. 

————

Finn doesn't have time to react. He sees Kylo Ren standing before Skywalker, and he follows Kylo's eyes to see Poe, barely able to keep himself upright, aiming a blaster at Kylo's chest. Then Poe fires, and Skywalker jumps between Kylo and Poe, deflecting the blasts. But one gets through, and that's all that is needed. Kylo collapses. And Poe, at the exact same time that Kylo hits the floor, crumples. Finn rushes to him, expecting him to be weak but conscious. Standing on his own must have taken everything he had. But when Finn reaches him he finds Poe, out cold, and he is hot with a fever that Finn knows was not there just a few minutes ago. His breathing is rapid and shallow and Finn is suddenly scared that he won't survive the trip home.

"We need to get him to a medical droid," Finn hears himself say. He cradles Poe in his arms and lifts him up.

_What brought this on so quickly?_ Finn wonders. _And how fast will it kill him?_

Skywalker and Rey board the ship, Skywalker carrying Kylo Ren's body. Finn wishes he'd have left it where it lay. Kylo didn't deserve a proper funeral, not after all he'd done. All he'd been responsible for. But Finn doesn't say this. He turns his attention back to Poe. 

Rey, having settled into the cockpit, angles the ship out of the city hangar and they shoot for Bespin's upper atmosphere. The flight to the gas giant had been a few hours, and the flight back is just as long. The hours are excruciating. Finn sits with his hands clasped at Poe's bedside, his forehead resting on his hands, praying to every deity he can think of that Poe would make it home. He'd survived gods knew what so far. It wasn't going to end like this. 

Was it?

Finn worries all the back to H’laar. He watches the heartbeat on Poe’s vitals monitor slowly sink, until it is barely beating at all. And right when they land, it stops. 

“No,” Finn gasps, and before he can think he is dragging Poe off the bed, setting him on the floor, beginning compressions. It _wasn’t_ going to end like this. 

Suddenly there are medics beside him, pushing him out of the way. Finn lets them. He feels like he’s floating, like this is unreal. They just got Poe _back_. They _couldn’t_ lose him. 

They can’t get a heartbeat. The medics move fast, putting Poe on an antigrav gurney and pushing him out of the _Millennium Falcon_. Finn goes to follow but a hand on his arm stops him. It’s Rey. 

“You can’t do anything for him. You’d just get in the way.”

Finn watches helplessly as they take Poe deeper into the base. He knows she’s right. And he wonders if this—Poe limp on a gurney—is the last image he will have of his boyfriend.


	14. Chapter 14

The H’laar night is uncharacteristically chilly. Wind whips the waves on the shore into a frenzy. Finn shivers before the pile of wood. Thick clouds scud across the night sky, blotting out the light from the moon and the stars. The only illumination comes from the torch in General Organa’s hand. 

Finn looks up at the figure on the funeral pyre, and he feels empty. Numb. He’s felt this way since they took Poe away. Like he’ll never be whole again. Beside him, Rey’s hand finds its way into his own. She gives him a squeeze.

Poe didn’t wake up after they took him away. They got his heart beating again, but he was in multi-organ failure. The infection that had ravaged his body had done damage that was believed to be irreparable. They found medication in his system, a desperate attempt by Kylo Ren to save the pilot, but it had been the wrong kind. The antibiotic did nothing to target the organism that left him so sick. The medics were surprised Poe had made it as far as he had. 

But “he survived longer than we expected” was little consolation when Poe was still comatose and on the brink of death. Finn wasn’t granted leave from his duties, but he spent every waking moment that he _wasn’t_ working at Poe’s bedside, praying he’d pull through.

“He did the same for you, after Starkiller,” Rey mused, leaning against his shoulder. She and Skywalker had chosen to stick around before returning to Ahch’to. Finn nodded, but he couldn’t speak past the lump in his throat. “And look where you are now.”

It is a complete role reversal, but a lightsaber wound is much easier to heal from—bacta worked wonders. Bacta had done nothing to halt the raging infection. It is all on Poe, now, to pull through. And it seems bleak. 

The wind ruffles Finn’s jacket and he huddles deeper into it. He hadn’t wanted to leave Poe’s bedside for the funeral. Didn’t believe a monster like Kylo Ren _deserved_ a funeral. But he also wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to see the monster burn. He wasn’t there to pay his respects. He was there to make sure the bastard was really, truly dead. 

Finn didn’t know that Kylo Ren had been Leia’s child until just that morning. He has to wonder how tough it is for her, to bury her war criminal of a son. She and Luke wear matching expressions of deep sadness, but no tears are shed. Finn thinks they probably mourned him long ago. This is just an end to a very dark chapter in their lives. 

Leia steps forward and touches the flame to the pyre. Thanks to the accelerant that doused the logs, it takes immediately. Soon there is a roaring bonfire before them, burning the body inside to ashes. In no time at all, all that remains of Kylo Ren is the bad taste in Finn’s mouth.

“Let’s go,” Finn says, and Rey nods. They turn from the pyre, heading back up the beach. Finn has seen enough. He is eager to get back to Poe’s bedside, to see if there has been any change. The numb feeling sticks with him, and he knows it will stay until the other regains consciousness. Until they are really, truly reunited once more. 

————

When Poe wakes, he at first thinks he's back on the cloud city, sleeping on a dirty mattress. Surely his rescue was all a dream. Kylo Ren couldn't _actually_ be dead. He keeps his eyes shut, wanting to live in the fantasy for as long as possible. He doesn't want to go back to a world of hunger, a world of fear. A world where Kylo Ren does what he wants. 

But then he hears voices, and they aren't Kylo Ren's voice. Some are female, and some are droid, and one is a voice that sounds an awful like Finn. This isn't his prison. 

He cracks one eye open and is greeted by harsh fluorescent lights. And if he turns his head, he catches sight of a very welcome face. 

“Finn!” he says weakly, and Finn, who had been resting his head on the bed, looks up. A smile splits his face. 

“You’re awake!”

Poe sucks in a shaky breath. Yes, awake and alive, by some miracle.

“They didn’t think you’d wake up,” Finn says, taking Poe’s hand in his own. 

“What happened?”

“You collapsed. After you killed Kylo Ren, you just…dropped. Whatever medication Ren gave you didn’t keep the infection at bay for long. They have no idea how you survived.”

Poe thinks he knows. Kylo Ren may have tortured him, but in some part of his twisted mind he also cared about Poe. Enough, perhaps, to keep him alive by the Force alone. Poe knows very little about the Force, but after waking up to see Kylo at his beside after the infection hit, he'd only felt _well_ when he was _close_ to the other man. It made sense. 

"How long have I been out?" Poe asks, expecting only a couple days to be lost.

"You've been in the infirmary for three weeks."

_Three weeks_? Poe remembers none of it. 

"So Kylo Ren is really dead, then," he says. Finn nods. "Good riddance." 

Finn squeezes Poe's hand. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened?"

The flashbacks hit Poe like a train. The starvation, the mind sifting, the rape. The things he did, the things he allowed, just to survive. The guilt he feels. He physically cringes away from the memories, flinching back against the pillows. Finn looks like he immediately regrets asking the question.

"Poe, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me anything."

"No, it's...it's fine. I just...I did things. To survive. I'm sorry,"

Finn glares at the wall, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. Then he turns back to Poe. "Whatever you did, you didn't have much of a choice. It wasn't your fault."

"Then why do I still feel guilty?"

Finn rubs the back of Poe's hand with his thumb. "Move over," he says. Poe barely has time to shift to the left before Finn is crawling into the medibed beside him. It is just big enough for both of them. Poe leans against Finn’s side, and Poe notes how tense and unsure he himself is. Every trace of the boldness, the confidence, that Poe used to portray is gone. _Kylo did this to me._

"Sometimes I think back to my time with the First Order, and I hate myself for not seeing through their lies sooner. Even though I had no choice at the time, I still feel the guilt for the things I did in their name. Here I am, dedicating the rest of my life to fighting against them and I don't think I'll ever recover from growing up among their ranks. The stuff you do sticks with you. But all you can do is move on."

Poe turns his head into the crook of Finn's neck. "You know I'm yours, no matter what?" he asks in a near whisper. 

Finn rests his cheek on Poe's head. "Of course."

Poe smiles. It is small, but he hasn't smiled a genuine smile in so long. He will relish in the small victories.

"I love you," Poe murmurs. 

Finn looks down at his boyfriend, a slow smile spreading across his own face. "I love you, too."

And right then, Poe knows he will be alright. It may take weeks, maybe months, perhaps years, but things will go back to the way they were. The guilt will always stay. The memories of what he endured will remain. But he is alive, and he is alive for Finn, and that's all that matters in the end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! And to all of those who commented, I read them all. You gave me the drive to keep going. Thank you. <3


End file.
